‘Da Hip Hop Witch’ is a Baffling but Somewhat Entertaining Parody of ‘The Blair Witch Project’ (review)

2000 spoof of The Blair Witch Project. The “Black Witch of the Projects” is an angry spirit who tends to attack rappers, including Ja Rule, Eminem, Rah Digga, and Vanilla Ice (who play themselves). She seems more of a nuisance than anything, as every victim lives to tell his or her story about the incident. Meanwhile, wannabe reporter Dee Dee (Stacii Jae Johnson) is determined to find the truth about the witch, and five white kids from the suburbs (including director and writer of the film Dale Resteghini) plan to catch her for the reward money.

It’s filmed basically the same as The Blair Witch Project—it’s shot on hand-held cameras, with the actors ad-libbing their lines. At least I hope they’re ad-libbed, with dialogue like, “Stay away from the hairy bitch-witch.” Also, no one can seem to give a consistent answer about what she looks like (some say ugly, some beautiful), her features (some say she’s green and black, or has 20-inch feet), or what she does—Eminem, for example, gives a soliloquy about how she tried to stick her finger up his butt. It’s low budget, and the performances are underwhelming to say the least, particularly by the rappers. But my main gripe is the antsy camera—very short shots, with lots of fast panning. It even swerves sideways and upside down. I didn’t experience any nausea myself, but I could see some people (like those made sick by The Blair Witch Project’s shaky camera-work) being affected that way.

“Don’t fuck with the fucking witch, man! Don’t fuck with the fucking witch!”–actual quote

Something interesting about the movie is that it might be construed to reflect the misogyny so prevalent in rap music. The witch is powerful and fearsome, and to some of the victims, sexually desirable. Hence, the word “bitch” is thrown around constantly, and is probably used to describe the antagonist as much as “witch.” I’m not sure the filmmakers had the wherewithal to have done this on purpose; it’s probably just a happy coincidence. It’s called a Black horror by some, but as mentioned, the writer/director is white, and almost all the publicity centers around Eminem. Below: the exactly two images from the movie online that aren’t of a blonde white guy.

I first watched the movie hoping it would be funny—it sounds like an amusing premise to me. But the only part that made me laugh is when a character who is always riding around on his bike shouting, “She’s coming!” is finally questioned as to whom he’s talking about. He replies, “She’s coming! My mama’s coming!” If you’re looking for something unconventional and ghetto-ish rather than gory (and nowhere near funny), check this one out, and stick around for the twist ending.

Published by GhoulieJoe

I wuvs the horror movies and like to write snarky reviews about them. I also included some pretentious as hell microfiction (don't worry, it's at the bottom).

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