‘The Deaths of Ian Stone’ is Pretty Okay (review)

Ian has a rather odd existence. One day he’s a hockey player with a girlfriend named Jenny; another day he’s an office worker and Jenny is only an acquaintance—his girlfriend is a woman named Medea. One day he’s driving a cab and Jenny is his passenger; another day he’s unemployed and Jenny is his social worker, and one day he’s an addict and Jenny is his neighbor. Jenny seems to be the better choice of girlfriend, as Medea has the nasty habit of murdering him with her giant claw-hand. She and her buddies are monsters called Harvesters, who kill people and eat their fear. They’re after Ian and Jenny, who need to figure out why before Ian is killed again.

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“Well, time to unclog that drain.”

There is absolutely nothing unique about this movie. It’s predictable and just plain conventional. Monsters that feed on fear are a dime a dozen, and Ian’s problem of being perpetually murdered is more annoying than mysterious. It feels like I’ve seen it a hundred times, when in actuality I’ve only seen it twice (oddly enough, three years apart to the day), the first time with a boyfriend who later broke my heart, which adds to (but doesn’t create) my sour feelings about the movie. As evidenced from my movie journal at the time: “The last half hour is especially bad; it disintegrates into a boatload of mediocre special effects and one-liners. The pacing is painfully slow. A few deaths here and there do not make for compelling viewing.” I also have difficulty liking and emphasizing with the characters, especially Ian.

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Ugh, naturally the bad love interest is brunette and the good one is blonde. That’s not at all tiresome and cliched.

However, on my third viewing, I didn’t hate it quite as much. The filmmakers successfully build a sense of paranoia, as Ian constantly has strangers glaring at him, and he realizes that “You only see what they want you to see.” The film doesn’t revel in gore. I still hate the love story angle, but I feel less bitter about the film otherwise. Overall the acting is acceptable and the rest of the dialogue is tolerable. Check it out if you like pretty British women.

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Somebody’s been watching A Clockwork Orange

Published by GhoulieJoe

I wuvs the horror movies and like to write snarky reviews about them. I also included some pretentious as hell microfiction (don't worry, it's at the bottom).

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