‘Stan Helsing’: Immature but Amusing (review)

Stan (Steve Howey) is a video store clerk who on Halloween night gets roped into making a delivery to the owner’s mother with his ex-girlfriend Nadine (Diora Baird), his friend Teddy (Kenan Thompson), and Teddy’s date Mia (Desi Lydic). Despite Stan’s philosophy of not getting involved in other peoples’ problems, his friends are forced to when they run out of gas at Stormy Night Estates, a cursed place that used to be a film studio. Good thing Stan is a relative of Van Helsing (despite the fact that there isn’t a single vampire in the movie), because he and his friends now get to fight knockoffs of Freddy Krueger, Jason, Leatherface, Chucky, Pinhead, and Michael Myers.


One striking thing about the movie is parody while not totally committing to the gag. It’s kinda funny that “Fweddy” (Freddy) has a Flavor Flav clock and a Charlie Brown shirt, while “Needlehead” has a cranium stuffed with push pins and darts. The counterfeits get a little old after a while, though, with Stan working at “Schlockbuster” and the monsters singing a revamped version of “YMCA.”

Often the jokes are potty-inspired, with no less than four scenes taking place in a bathroom. Or they revolve around breasts. The majority of the shots are at medium level, emphasizing cleavage.


The film tends to be pretty sexist, with the ladies (especially Mia, a former stripper) wearing skimpy costumes throughout and being constantly objectified. Mia seems to have no purpose otherwise. Nadine is a fairly strong character, but it’s Stan who does much of the fighting. Teddy as the Token Black Guy fares a little better; he’s often the voice of reason and has a lot of screen time and funny lines.

Put them in a toilet stall and this is pretty much the whole movie

I did find some moments amusing, for example Schlockbuster’s section for “Returns of The Ring Only”—people collapse upon returning it. There’s also a pretty funny bit with the guard at the Estates fielding horror-movie-related phone calls like a chainsaw malfunctioning. My favorite bit of dialogue: [A crow caws] “Nevermore!” Mia: “That sounds familiar.” Nadine: “You’re an idiot!” Mia: “Hey, that sounds familiar, too!” If you’re in the mood for boobs and cheap but occasionally funny jokes (who isn’t?!), check this one out.

Yes, that is Leslie Nielsen playing a waitress

Published by GhoulieJoe

I wuvs the horror movies and like to write snarky reviews about them. I also included some pretentious as hell microfiction (don't worry, it's at the bottom).

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