When you’re a kid, Halloween is all about the (literal) candy. When you’re an adult and can no longer trick-or-treat without facing severe social stigma for not having kids with you, it’s all about the (eye) candy. Women especially are encouraged to show off the goods, with costumes that vary from skimpy to WTF?! I’ve scoured the internet for the latter.
10. Buzz Lightyear
Nothing’s more alluring than a toy who thinks he’s real! If the costume designers are set on binding the woman’s arms to her body, I hope those wings are functional.
Image courtesy of forplaycatalog.com
9. Jason Voorhies
This one reminds me of the Halloween costumes of my youth, which were plastic smocks with the character’s face on them. I would love to see a foot race between this lady in those go-go boots and Jason, to see who’s faster.
Image courtesy of pinterest.com
8. Fake News
That dress looks extremely uncomfortable, even if it’s not actually made of newspaper. Interesting placement of the word “Fake.”
Image courtesy of themarysue.com
7. Poop Emoji
Why? Just…why?!?! If the intent of the sexy costume is to instigate arousal…I can’t even finish this sent—
Image courtesy of thispuglife.com
6. Lobster
Outside of a Yorgos Lanthimos movie, lobsters aren’t a desirable form to take. Though she can probably find something interesting to do with those giant fuzzy mitts.
Image courtesy of foodandwine.com
5. Mr. Rogers
Nothing like a beloved childrens’ icon wearing booty shorts. I can’t decide if this is creepier with or without the wig.
Image courtesy of scarymommy.com
4. Jellyfish
Nothing says sexy like a cold, gelatinous sea creature. With boobs for eyes.
Image courtesy of vox.com
3. Crayon
This model is clearly not enjoying impersonating a drawing tool. I don’t know which bothers me more, the off-center hat or the idea that making a short dress out of any random object qualifies it as arousing.
Image courtesy of halloweenboom.com
2. Beyond Burger
This gal looks like a Dr. Seuss character wearing a fringed potato sack. I’ve looked into the abyss, which is looking back at me–I’m complaining that a woman doesn’t look like a hamburger.
Image courtesy of eater.com
- Gumball Machine
Words fail me.
