‘Annabelle Comes Home’: It’s No ‘Conjuring,’ but You Can’t Go Wrong with the James Wan-iverse

The movie opens, in case we forgot, with Lorraine (Vera Farmiga) and Ed (Patrick Wilson) collecting the evil Annabelle doll from the two nurses who were in possession of it and bringing it home to lock in the evil-shit-you-never-touch room. If you need a recap of the previous movies, here are synopses from Wikipedia: Annabelle and Annabelle: Creation. One year later, the Warrens are planning to leave overnight on exorcising business, and daughter Judy (McKenna Grace replaces Sterling Jerins, who’s getting too old for this shit) is staying with babysitter Mary Ellen (Madison Iseman). Mary Ellen’s nosy friend Daniela (Katie Sarife) and love interest Bob (Michael Cimino) crash the party, and Daniela talks Judy into letting her go into the room-that-must-not-be-entered, which releases a cadre of demonic entities.

This is an actual Milton Bradley board game from the ’60s; demons not included–probably

Despite its PG-13 feel (low body count and yet another fucking sing-along with Ed), the film is for some reason rated R for “horror violence and terror.” Mary Ellen and Judy get into the convenient files detailing what each of the monsters are, which include a haunted wedding dress, a TV that tells the immediate future, a werewolf/giant dog-thing, and samurai armor. Yup, just as scary as it sounds. As we saw in the other Conjuring films, adding a whole lot of antagonists totally improves the movie and is not at all distracting. My favorite is the Ferryman, who goes around dropping coins–that guy’s payin off! Though there are a couple of creepy moments, like when Daniela is asked, “What else did you touch?” and she replies, horrified, “Everything.”

“POSITIVELY do not open! That oughta do it!”

Yes, these folks are real brainiacs, Daniela in particular, spouting phrases like, “Don’t your parents keep any really creepy stuff around?” She asks the spirits themselves to let her into the room, and once inside, she says, “If there is a presence in this room, please give me a sign.” Ed has a hand in this too, as he leaves the key to the room at home and doesn’t even hide it very well. Meanwhile, Mary Ellen leaves her inhaler in the car. Not like she needs it to live or anything.

“Ooh, you’re so cute, I can’t wait to let you out and cause havoc!”

Despite my jabs, I enjoyed it. The characters are dumb (except for Judy, the voice of reason, she’s a little badass) but likable. Check it out if you’re in the mood for something light and fun.

“Get behind me, stupids!”

Published by GhoulieJoe

I wuvs the horror movies and like to write snarky reviews about them. I also included some pretentious as hell microfiction (don't worry, it's at the bottom).

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