You ever see the American Film Institute’s list of movie quotes? Let me sum up: of the hundred, about 25 are Casablanca and Gone with the Wind. Most of the rest are from the other golden oldies that are revered by the writers of film studies textbooks; they may be well-made, but they’re also very much a reminder of how discriminatory Hollywood was in terms of race, gender, and sexual orientation. Though I give big ups for including Jaws, Psycho, and The Sixth Sense, the AFI’s selections just don’t speak to me, and if you’re on this site, perhaps they don’t speak to you, either. Though many of the movies I quote from aren’t horror, they are all delightful (the quotes, not necessarily the movies). After trying and failing to narrow down my own list to a slim ten squared, here is part one of several upcoming parts. In no particular order (except the chronological order in which I wrote about these films in my movie journal):
25.) “Let us tear the paper tiger of male imperialism!” (Lysistrata, 1972)
24.) “You cheeky monkey!” (Spider, 2002)
23.) Jack (Jack Nicholson): “You’ve had your whole fucking life to think things over, what good’s a few minutes more gonna do you now?” (The Shining, 1980)
22.) Ben (Duane Jones), to pushy white guy Harry: “Now get the hell down in the cellar. You can be the boss down there, but I’m boss up here.” (Night of the Living Dead, 1968)
21.) [Allison (Arielle Kebbel) is freaking out because her friends have disappeared after going in the cursed Saeki house, and her school principal is attempting to reassure her] “Allison, I don’t know what you’re talking about. Vanessa and Miyuki aren’t missing. They’re right here.” [Miyuki and Vanessa suddenly appear as ghosts next to her] (The Grudge 2, 2006)
20.) [Dr. Blake (Mary Steenburgen) is testifying in court that her mother, despite having an intellectual disability and needing support from her own parents, was responsible for Blake’s best traits] “Please let the record show my mother raised me.” (I Am Sam, 2001)
19.) Hecuba (Katharine Hepburn), trying to psych herself into rising: “Up. Up, body.” (The Trojan Women, 1971)
18.) Antigone (Irene Papas): “I can face death. But I cannot leave my brother unburied.” (Antigone, 1961)
17.) [While filming Plan Nine from Outer Space, actor Tor Johnson bumps into the set while trying to get through a door, and the cameraman asks Ed, the director (Johnny Depp), if he wants to do another take] Ed: “No, it’s fine. It’s real. You know, in actuality, Lobo would have to struggle with this problem every day.” (Ed Wood, 1994)
16.) [Possessed lawman Entragian (Ron Perlman) is sorting through the IDs of a group of people he’s arrested] “You’re Peter. And you’re Mary. So where’s Paul? I mean, how can you sing ‘Puff the Magic Dragon’ without Paul? Wait a minute…Peter Jackson? I love Lord of the Rings!” (Desperation, 2006)
15.) Ralph (John Kassir) is having a drug-induced hallucination (or is he?): “Bad zombies! Shoo!” (Reefer Madness: The Movie Musical, 2005)
14.) [Cornelia (Agnes Moorehead) is alerting the police to an intruder in her home, and is told to wait for help] “I have a gun, and I know how to use it!” (The Bat, 1959)
13.) Desk clerk: “That her?” Luger (Samuel L. Jackson): “No, that’s a picture.” (National Lampoon’s Loaded Weapon 1)
12.) Regarding the cloying nature of kid show host Smoochy the rhino (Edward Norton): “He’s a bottle of pancake syrup with legs!” (Death to Smoochy, 2002)
11.) “No one can take your kidney but me.” (Gau min, AKA Koma, 2004)
10.) “The human mouth is called a piehole.” (Over the Hedge, 2006)
9.) Daffy the Gremlin, in homage to Marathon Man: “Is it safe?” (Gremlins 2: The New Batch, 1990)
8.) [A group of suffragists have been arrested for picketing and given a choice of paying a fine or going to jail, and they choose jail] Lucy Burns: “To pay the fine would be admitting guilt. We haven’t broken a law. Not one dollar.” (Iron Jawed Angels, 2004)
7.) “Go find your head!” (Hakkyousuru kuchibiru, AKA Crazy Lips, 2000)
6.) Kit (Eddie Murphy): “White boys always get the Oscar. It’s a known fact. Did I ever get a nomination? No! You know why? Cause I hadn’t played any of them slave roles, and get my ass whipped. That’s how you get the nomination.” (Bowfinger, 1999)
5.) “Words create lies. Pain can be trusted.” (Ôdishon, AKA Audition, 1999)
4.) “Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.” (The Princess Bride, 1987)
3.) Norther (Steve Buscemi), reciting a poem he’s been working on for twelve years: “The grass so green/Skies so blue/Spectre is really great!” (Big Fish, 2003)
2.) [Mike, trying to convince Sully to get their forbidden human acquaintance home without alerting their coworkers] “Now put that thing back where it came from or so help me…Oh, hey. We’re rehearsing a scene for the upcoming company play called, uh, Put That Thing Back Where it Came from or So Help Me. It’s a musical.” (Monsters, Inc., 2001)
1.) [Actress Jennifer Tilly (playing herself) is being held captive by Chucky and his wife Tiffany, also voiced by Tilly] Jennifer’s friend Joan, over the phone: “I heard you scream. I can still hear you screaming!” Tiffany: “Oh, Bound is on cable. Gina Gershon is fingering me.” (Seed of Chucky, 2004)
*Author’s note: I have extensively relied on IMDb for help, both with dates and with some of the quotes. Any mis-quoting is my error.
GhoulieJoe 