Top 25 Movie Quotes: Part IV

Ever seen the American Film Institute’s list of movie quotes? Let me sum up: of the hundred, about 25 are Casablanca and Gone with the Wind. Most of the rest are from the other golden oldies that are revered by the writers of film studies textbooks; they may be well-made, but they’re also very much a reminder of how discriminatory Hollywood was in terms of race, gender, and sexual orientation. Though I give big ups for including Jaws, Psycho, and The Sixth Sense, the AFI’s selections just don’t speak to me, and if you’re on this site, perhaps they don’t speak to you, either. Though many of the movies I quote from aren’t horror, they are all delightful (the quotes, not necessarily the movies). After trying and failing to narrow down my own list to a slim ten squared, here is part four of several upcoming parts. In no particular order (except the chronological order in which I wrote about these films in my movie journal):

25.) Ben (Muse Watson), seeking revenge on the four teens who hit him with their car while drunk driving and left him for dead: “You in some kind of trouble, child?” Julie (Jennifer Love Hewitt), not recognizing him: “Yes, yeah, I’m in a lot of trouble.” Ben: “That’s a shame, being that it’s the Fourth of July and all. Kids like you should be out having fun. Drinking, partying, running people over, getting away with murder…things like that.” (I Know What You Did Last Summer, 1997)

24.) Lance (Chris Rock), a bicycle messenger protesting that he could be visiting a resident and not making a delivery: “What’s wrong with me just coming here trying to have some cocoa?” (Down to Earth, 2001)

23.) Petie (Michael Shannon) to Honey, a movie star: “Tell me about Mel Gibson’s dick and balls!” (Cecil B. Demented, 2000)

22.) Boromir (Sean Bean): “What is this new devilry?” (The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring, 2001)

Anybody know why this picture of Boromir is so popular?

21.) Lance Armstrong, to Peter (Vince Vaughn): “Quit? You know, once I was thinking about quitting when I was diagnosed with brain, lung, and testicular cancer, all at the same time. But with the love and support of my friends and family, I got back on the bike and I won the Tour de France five times in a row. But I’m sure you have a good reason to quit. So what are you dying from that’s keeping you from the finals?” (Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story, 2004)

I don’t care if he cheated! It’s still an awesome scene.

20.) Mrs. Peacock (Eileen Brennan): “Everything all right?” Colonel Mustard (Martin Mull): “Yep. Two corpses. Everything’s fine.” (Clue, 1985)

19.) Brad (Barry Bostwick), to a group of Transylvanians who just finished a complicated dance number: “Say! Do any of you guys know how to Madison?” (The Rocky Horror Picture Show, 1975)

18.) Dr. Giggles (Larry Drake), to a young lady he’s forcing a needed but unwanted organ transplant on: “You may be having second thoughts, but when you wake up you’ll have a change of heart.” (Dr. Giggles, 1992)

If you guessed that the pun for this scene was “He should have kept his hands to himself,” you would be correct. I also would have accepted “Could you lend me a hand?”

17.) Daryl (who’s secretly Satan) (Jack Nicholson): “Men are such cocksuckers, aren’t they?” (The Witches of Eastwick, 1987)

16.) Slim (David Hyde Pierce), who is a stick bug, is trying to get his friend’s attention: “I’m the only stick with eyeballs!” (A Bug’s Life, 1998)

Good golly, he’s terrifying! I forgot how low-tech old Pixar movies look now

15.) Hoffner (Klaus Kinski): “I see you like guns. What else do you like? [Fondles Bryce’s breast] You still haven’t told me what else you like.” Bryce (Diane Salinger): “Violence.” [Elbows him] (Creature, 1985)

Bryce ain’t takin no shit!

14.) [A crow caws] “Nevermore!” Mia (Desi Lydic): “That sounds familiar.” Nadine (Diora Baird): “You’re an idiot!” Mia: “Hey, that sounds familiar, too!” (Stan Helsing, 2009)


13.) [Captain Mandrake (Peter Sellers) wants Colonel Guano (Keenan Wynn) to shoot the lock off the soda machine for change to call the president] Guano: “Okay. I’m gonna get your money for you. But if you don’t get the president of the United States on the phone, you know what’s gonna happen to you?” Mandrake: “What?” Guano: “You’re gonna have to answer to the Coca-Cola company.” (Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb, 1964)

Ha, I bet you thought I was gonna go with “Gentlemen, you can’t fight in here! This is the war room.” One of the few AFI quotes I agree with.

12.) [Aliens are shooting lasers and causing massive explosions and fires] Martian: “Don’t run. We are your friends.” (Mars Attacks!, 1996)

11.) Miss Walton (Shirley Jane Harris), to the ghost of a serial killer menacing her students: “If you want a fight, dammit, you’re going to get one!” (The Stay Awake, 1988)

I didn’t know lemurs had such killer abs

10.) Erasmus (Vincent Price): “Answer me, monster, tell me truly! Shall I ever hold again the radiant maiden whom the angels call Lenore?” Dr. Bedlo (Peter Lorre) (a magician who’s been turned into a raven): “How the hell should I know?” (The Raven, 1963)

9.) David (Kiefer Sutherland), trying to turn Michael (Jason Patric) into a full-fledged vampire: “Join us, Michael. My blood is in your veins.” Michael: “So is mine!” (The Lost Boys, 1987)

Wonder why people say this movie has a gay subtext…Nah just kidding, there’s a thousand other reasons.

8.) Hayley (Elliot Page, in his former life as a teenage girl) to Jeff (Patrick Wilson), who picked her up on the internet knowing she was underage: ” ‘She was so sexy. She was asking for it. Oh, she was only technically a girl, she acted like a woman.’ It’s just so easy to blame a kid, isn’t it? Just because a girl knows how to imitate a woman does not mean she’s ready to do what a woman does.” (Hard Candy, 2005)

7.) [Wednesday (Christina Ricci) is walking down the hall with a knife] Morticia (Anjelica Huston): “Is that for your brother?” [Nods] “I don’t think so.” [Hands her a giant cleaver] (The Addams Family, 1991)

6.) Wednesday (Christina Ricci), speaking to a potential babysitter through a hand puppet: “Hello, Polly. I’ll clean my room. In exchange for your immortal soul.” [Rubs the puppet’s hands together menacingly] (Addams Family Values, 1993)

5.) Father Mayii (Leslie Nielsen), to possessed Nancy (Linda Blair), after he projectile vomits on her à la The Exorcist: “So…how do you like it?” (Repossessed, 1990)

It is surprisingly difficult to find a clip or even an image from that scene

4.) Dracula (Leslie Nielsen), about the bats in his castle: “Children of the night. What a mess they make.” (This is a play on Bela Lugosi’s line in Dracula: “Children of the night. What music they make.”) (Dracula: Dead and Loving It, 1995)

3.) Other Father (John Hodgman), explaining to Coraline why the Other version of her friend Wybie had his mouth sewn shut: “He pulled a looooong face…and Mother didn’t like it.” (Coraline, 2009)

2.) Narrator, English language dub (Dudley Moore): “To keep up his spirits, he began singing a dog marching song. [Starts to sing, then falls into a hole] He then decided to skip the whole thing.” (Koneko monogatari AKA The Adventures of Milo and Otis, 1986)

1.) Frederick (Vincent Price), to his wife: “Don’t sit up all night, thinking about ways to get rid of me. It makes wrinkles.” (House on Haunted Hill, 1959)

Author’s note: I have extensively relied on IMDb for help, both with dates and with some of the quotes. Any mis-quoting is my error.

Published by GhoulieJoe

I wuvs the horror movies and like to write snarky reviews about them. I also included some pretentious as hell microfiction (don't worry, it's at the bottom).

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