Top 25 Movie Quotes: Part VI

Ever seen the American Film Institute’s list of movie quotes? Let me sum up: of the hundred, about 25 are Casablanca and Gone with the Wind. Most of the rest are from the other golden oldies that are revered by the writers of film studies textbooks; they may be well-made, but they’re also very much a reminder of how discriminatory Hollywood was in terms of race, gender, and sexual orientation. Though I give big ups for including Jaws, Psycho, and The Sixth Sense, the AFI’s selections just don’t speak to me, and if you’re on this site, perhaps they don’t speak to you, either. Though many of the movies I quote from aren’t horror, they are all delightful (the quotes, not necessarily the movies). After trying and failing to narrow down my own list to a slim ten squared, here is part six of several upcoming parts. In no particular order (except the chronological order in which I wrote about these films in my movie journal):

25.) Zarabeth (Kathleen Wilhoite), a psychic: “I see danger ahead.” Brandon (Stephen Nichols), who’s driving her home: “For Linda?” Zarabeth: “For you. If you miss my house!” (Witchboard, 1986)

24.) Vida (Patrick Swayze): “I think tomorrow is a ‘Say Something’ hat day.” (To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything! Julie Newmar, 1995)

23.) Diane (JoBeth Williams): “I told you that we never should have told them that the house vanished into thin air!” (Poltergeist II: The Other Side, 1986)

22.) Mr. Jones (John Witherspoon): “Hey, young man! You got knocked the fuck out!” (Next Friday, 2000)

21.) Beth (Aubrey Plaza), to her boyfriend, who’s aghast at her eating habits after she returns from the dead: “What do you want from me, Zach? I’m a fucking zombie! Zombies eat guys!” (Life After Beth)

20.) Claudia (Barbra Streisand), a call girl on trial for killing a client in self defense: “Don’t judge my blowjobs, they’re sane!” (Nuts, 1987)

19.) Pritchett (Chris Kattan), in a hurry to leave before the ghosts in his house come out: “Goddamn it, you gimme my goddamn check right now! Cause I want it! You give it!” (House on Haunted Hill ,1999)

18.) Roger (Campbell Scott), who works in advertising: “I gotta get home, look for work. As we speak, consumers everywhere need reminding of how fat and unattractive they are.” (Roger Dodger, 2002)

Look, it’s a young Jesse Eisenberg!

17.) Inspector Kemp (Kenneth Mars): “A riot is an ugly thing. And I think that it’s just about time that we had one!” (Young Frankenstein, 1974)

16.) Vicki (Kim Basinger), having dinner with Bruce Wayne (Michael Keaton) at his comically large, rich-people dining table: “Do you like eating in here?” Bruce: “Oh, yeah…To tell you the truth, I don’t think I’ve ever been in this room before.” (Batman, 1989)

15.) Dennis (Matthew Lillard): “Did I just say there was a petting zoo downstairs? NO! There are ghosts downstairs, Arthur!” (Thir13een Ghosts, 2001)

14.) Jessica (Rob Schneider), a teenage girl who has accidentally switched bodies with a man: “You think you’re so cool cause you can pee with your penis.” (The Hot Chick, 2002)

13.) Fauno (Doug Jones): “Why would a poor little faun like me lie to you?” (Pan’s Labyrinth, 2006)

12.) [Deloris (Whoopi Goldberg) is hiding from the mob in a nunnery and has asked Mother Superior (Maggie Smith) if she can use the phone] Mother Superior: “Whom would you call?” Deloris: “I don’t know. Satan?” (Sister Act, 1992)

11.) Heather (Antonia Bernath) to W.C., who has suggested calling the fire department to deal with the outbreak of the undead: “Great idea! Zombie firemen! Bigger zombies–with axes! Yay!” (Stalled, 2013)

You don’t see Heather until the very end, so here’s the trailer

10.) David (Eric Clawson), to Topaz, who has been trying to communicate with zombies to find out their motivation for being aggressive, and finds out they just really want to kill people: “See? I told you, that’s all they ever want!” (The Dead Hate the Living!, 2000)

Not many stills from this movie

9.) Barbara (Kathleen Turner), who wants to divorce her husband Oliver (Michael Douglas): “When I watch you eat, when I see you asleep, when I look at you lately, I just wanna smash your face in.” Oliver: “Come on. Smash my face. You wanna smash my face?” [Barbara punches him] (The War of the Roses, 1989)

8.) [Trish (Gina Philips) has just run over the monster pursuing them] Darry (Justin Long): “You think he’s dead?” Trish: “They never are.” [Reverses the car to run him over some more] (Jeepers Creepers, 2001)

7.) Socrates (Nick Nolte): “You have to get rid of all your addictions.” Dan (Scott Mechlowicz): “What addictions do I have?” “Talking! Especially interrupting.” (Peaceful Warrior, 2006)

6.) Dr. Travis (Peter Curtin): “Are you crazy?” Kyle (Chaney Kley): “Yeah. A little bit.” (Darkness Falls, 2003)

5.) Lieutenant Kinderman (George C. Scott), relaying a non-sequitur about how there’s a live fish in his bathtub and it disturbs him: “I can’t go home until the carp is asleep.” (The Exorcist III: Legion, 1990)

Seems like this would be the more unnerving experience

4.) Guy in car to his boyfriend, who, unbeknownst to him, has kicked out the window because he’s been decapitated: “Holy shit! You really are ticklish!” (Hellbent, 2004)

3.) Peter (James Le Gros), to the food critic who has destroyed his career with a mean critique of his restaurant: “Now my review. J.T. Franks is a worthless cunt who doesn’t deserve to live. The end!” (Bitter Feast, 2010)

2.) Garbled voice over the phone, à la The Ring: “Seven days.” Cindy (Anna Faris): “What? Willie Mays?” Voice: “Seven days.” Cindy: “Who’s gay? Hello?” Voice: “Seven days.” Cindy: “What?” Voice: “Can you hear me now?” Cindy: “Kind of.” Voice: “Can you hear me now?” Cindy: “Yes. Perfect.” Voice: “Seven days.” Cindy: “Seven days. Oh, my God. I’m gonna die next Monday?” Voice: “Yes. No. Wait. Monday. That would be seven business days. This is seven days starting now.” Cindy: “So seven days to this very hour? My watch broke. How am I gonna know the exact hour?” Voice: “Forget hours. This day seven days from now.” Cindy: “But there’s a holiday coming up. Do you count the holiday?” Voice: “Well, that depends. What holiday?” Cindy: “Martin Luther King Day.” Voice: “Then no.” Cindy: “Why not? Everybody at work is taking it off.” Voice: “Jesus Christ, lady. I’m giving you seven friggin days. I can come over now and kill the shit out of you if you’d rather have that.” (Scary Movie 3, 2003)

1.) Dwayne (Paul Dano): “Fuck beauty contests! Life is one fucking beauty contest after another.” (Little Miss Sunshine, 2006)

Author’s note: I have extensively relied on IMDb for help, both with dates and with some of the quotes.

Published by GhoulieJoe

I wuvs the horror movies and like to write snarky reviews about them. I also included some pretentious as hell microfiction (don't worry, it's at the bottom).

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