Top 25 Movie Quotes: Part VII

Ever seen the American Film Institute’s list of movie quotes? Let me sum up: of the hundred, about 25 are Casablanca and Gone with the Wind. Most of the rest are from the other golden oldies that are revered by the writers of film studies textbooks; they may be well-made, but they’re also very much a reminder of how discriminatory Hollywood was in terms of race, gender, and sexual orientation. Though I give big ups for including Jaws, Psycho, and The Sixth Sense, the AFI’s selections just don’t speak to me, and if you’re on this site, perhaps they don’t speak to you, either. Though many of the movies I quote from aren’t horror, they are all delightful (the quotes, not necessarily the movies). After trying and failing to narrow down my own list to a slim ten squared, here is part seven of several upcoming parts. In no particular order (except the chronological order in which I wrote about these films in my movie journal):

25.) Dolores (Kathy Bates), to her abusive husband: “This is the last time you ever hit me! Next time, one of us is going to the boneyard.” (Dolores Claiborne, 1995)

24.) Libby (Kathy Bates): “I am a gay lesbian woman. I do not mythologize the male sexual organ!” (Primary Colors, 1998)

23.) Captain Kirk (William Shatner): “Spock, you wanna know something? Everybody’s human.” Spock (Leonard Nimoy): “I find that remark…insulting.” (Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country, 1991)

22.) Terry (Whoopi Goldberg), who has been injected with truth serum, which makes her loopy, upon coming across a punk ’80s couple with brightly colored hair: “Oh look, a tropical fish and his mate.” (Jumpin’ Jack Flash, 1986)

21.) Joanna (Katharine Ross), on the event of her being replaced by a robot: “There’ll be someone with my name and she’ll cook and clean like crazy, but she won’t take pictures and she won’t be me!” (The Stepford Wives, 1975)

20.) “As you’re pretty, so be wise/Wolves may lurk in every guise/Now as then, ’tis simple truth/Sweetest tongue has sharpest tooth.” (The Company of Wolves, 1984)

Could not find a satisfactory clip, so here’s the trailer–if you’ve never seen this, you’re in for a treat

19.) Tomie (Miho Kanno): “You will marry a worthless man one day and have stupid kids.” (Tomie, 1998)

18.) Mollie (Kirstie Alley), who’s in labor: “Don’t touch me! I’m going to have this baby without you touching me!” (Look Who’s Talking, 1989)

17.) [Shitty guy steals Harold’s (John Cho) parking space] “Better luck tomorrow!” (Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle, 2004) [This is a reference to Cho’s earlier film of the same name.]

16.) After Richard (Mel Brooks) relentlessly hounds a bellboy (Barry Levinson) to get him a newspaper, the guy surprises him in the shower with it, in homage to Psycho. Richard, sprawled in the bathtub afterwards: “That kid gets no tip.” (High Anxiety, 1977)

15.) Grandma (Glynis Johns), to a group of her granddaughter Mary Katherine’s (Molly Shannon) friends, whom she is training for a talent competition: “We’ve got two days to the big show, so when I say kick, you want to kick, and when I say dip, you dip, and when I say tap, you tap, and when I say–” Mary Katherine: “We get it, Grandmother, we get it, we get it.” Grandma: “I’ve got two more. And when I say booga booga, you booga booga.” Maria (Jennifer Irwin): “What’s booga booga mean?” “I don’t know, but if I say it you better fuckin figure it out!” (Superstar, 1999)

14.) Divine: “This is a direct attack on my divinity!” (Pink Flamingos, 1972)

13.) Bus driver (Tony Genaro): “Girls, watch out for those weirdos.” Nancy (Fairuza Balk): “We are the weirdos, mister.” (The Craft, 1996)

12.) Phil (Bill Murray), who is reliving the same day over and over, to the kid he catches falling out of a tree: “You little brat! You have never thanked me. I’ll see you tomorrow…maybe.” (Groundhog Day, 1993)

11.) Ben (Nathan Phillips), drunk and unaware that he’s teasing a serial killer: “Man, you must love the freedom.” Mick (John Jarratt): “What?” Ben: “Freedom. You know, you must love it. You know, hanging out in nature and shit. You get to like, you know, cruise around the bush, saying cool stuff like ‘That’s not a knife. This is a knife.'” (Wolf Creek, 2005) (In case you were born before the mid-80s, this is a reference to the movie Crocodile Dundee, in which a grizzled Australian man visiting America informs a would-be mugger that his knife is insufficient in size compared to his own.)

10.) “Buildings burn. People die. But real love is forever.” (The Crow, 1994)

9.) Melman the giraffe (David Schwimmer), who’s a hypochondriac: “I often doze off while I’m getting an MRI.” (Madagascar, 2005)

My apologies that all images of him are horrifying

8.) Terry (Mark Ruffalo), in response to his nephew complaining that his seatbelt is uncomfortable: “Well, when someone slams into us and you go sailing through the windshield, that’s liable to be uncomfortable, too. Now put on your seatbelt.” (You Can Count On Me, 2000)

7.) Beavis (Mike Judge), at the Hoover Dam: “Is this a God dam?” (Beavis and Butt-Head Do America, 1996)

6.) Henry (Macaulay Culkin), a youth with major conduct disorder (which is what they call sociopathy in minors): “Once you realize you can do anything, you’re free.” (The Good Son, 1993)

5.) [A vigilante group has formed to take down a guy with animal organs who has become animal-like and is suspected of attacking people] Mob Member (Norm MacDonald, RIP), after asking a series of inane questions of mob leader Sgt. Sisk (John C. McGinley): “Hey, I got another question! Hey, uh, doesn’t this guy deserve a fair trial?” Sisk: “You–back of the mob!” Mob Member: “‘Back of the mob’? What? This is my spot! I came early!” Sisk: “Okay, out of the mob!” “Eh, this mob blows.” (The Animal, 2001)

4.) Special Agent Chester Desmond (Chris Isaak), investigating a murder: “Teresa Banks had a ring. Do you have any idea what happened to it?” Sheriff Cable (Gary Bullock): “We got a phone here. It’s got a little ring.” (Twin Peaks: Fire Walk with Me, 1992)

That’s definitely the face I’d be making if I had to interact with people in a David Lynch movie

3.) Michael (Steve Martin), to his late wife’s portrait: “Rebecca, if there’s anything wrong with my feelings for Dolores, give me a sign. [The painting spins around, cracks appear in the wall, the lights go out, and a disembodied voice wails] Just any kind of sign. I’ll keep on the lookout for it. Meanwhile, I’ll just put you in the closet.” (The Man with Two Brains, 1983)

2.) Motivational speaker Debra (Sigourney Weaver): “I have people coming to me and saying, ‘Debra, I’m in love with an alcoholic. What should I do?’ And I say don’t look to me for answers. Look to yourself! Find that source of unconditional love, find that all-encompassing, ultimate love. Surrender to that unending, infinite love that will let you say ‘Hey! Fuck you! Get outta my house til you stop drinking!'” (Jeffrey, 1995)

1.) Sofia (Oprah Winfrey), to her mother-in-law, who had advised her son to hit Sofia to keep her in line: “All my life I had to fight. I had to fight my daddy, I had to fight my uncles, I had to fight my brothers. A girl child ain’t safe in a family of men. But I never thought I had to fight in my own house! I loves Harpo. God knows I do. But I’ll kill him dead before I let him beat me.” (The Color Purple, 1985)

Author’s note: I have extensively relied on IMDb for help, both with dates and with some of the quotes.

Published by GhoulieJoe

I wuvs the horror movies and like to write snarky reviews about them. I also included some pretentious as hell microfiction (don't worry, it's at the bottom).

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