Top 25 Movie Quotes: Part VIII

Ever seen the American Film Institute’s list of movie quotes? Let me sum up: of the hundred, about 25 are Casablanca and Gone with the Wind. Most of the rest are from the other golden oldies that are revered by the writers of film studies textbooks; they may be well-made, but they’re also very much a reminder of how discriminatory Hollywood was in terms of race, gender, and sexual orientation. Though I give big ups for including Jaws, Psycho, and The Sixth Sense, the AFI’s selections just don’t speak to me, and if you’re on this site, perhaps they don’t speak to you, either. Though many of the movies I quote from aren’t horror, they are all delightful (the quotes, not necessarily the movies). After trying and failing to narrow down my own list to a slim ten squared, here is part eight of several upcoming parts. In no particular order (except the chronological order in which I wrote about these films in my movie journal):

25.) Viola (Amanda Bynes), who’s pretending to be a boy, is hit in the groin with a soccer ball: “Oh. Right. Ow! Oh, for the love of God! It burns!” (She’s the Man, 2006)

24.) Peyton (Rebecca De Mornay), threatening a kid who’s been bullying her nannying charge: “Leave Emma alone! Look at me! If you don’t, I’m gonna rip your fucking head off!” (The Hand That Rocks the Cradle, 1992)

23.) Loc Dog (Marlon Wayans): “She got more kids than Mrs. Wayans!” (Don’t Be a Menace to South Central While Drinking Your Juice in the Hood, 1996) [The movie was written by Marlon and Shawn Wayans, who famously have a lot of siblings]

Ah, the mid-90s. Pacifiers were a thing. Don’t ask.

22.) [Elvira has just been hit by a falling movie marquee letter] Bob (Daniel Greene): “How’s your head?” Elvira (Cassandra Peterson): “Well, I haven’t had any complaints yet.” (Elvira: Mistress of the Dark, 1988)

21.) [Two escaped convicts are trying to board a plane with hostages] Ticket Agent (Siobhan Fallon Hogan): “Okay, I’m gonna need the names of the passengers.” Snake (Tom Sizemore): “John Smith.” Ticket Agent: “And the other passengers, sir?” Snake: “John Smith.” Ticket Agent: “You’re all John Smith?” Snake: “Everybody.” Ticket Agent: “I’m gonna need some photo ID, sir.” [Snake gives her money] “There you go.” Ticket Agent: “Okay then, family Smith. Have a nice vacation.” (Big Trouble, 2002)

20.) David (David Naughton), to his friend who was killed gorily by a werewolf and returns as a ghost to warn him: “I will not be threatened by a walking meatloaf!” (An American Werewolf in London, 1981)

Well, the makeup for David’s transformation into a werewolf won an Oscar

19.) Francesca (Gale Garnett): “Go on without me, Felix. Just leave me something to read.” (Mad Monster Party?, 1967)

This is not that scene, but I loves me the theme song, and you will, too

18.) Frankenstein (Whit Bissell): “Speak. I know you have a civil tongue in your head because I sewed it back myself.” (I Was a Teenage Frankenstein, 1957)

17.) [The ghost of the Titanic shows up in the harbor] Dock Supervisor (Cheech Marin): “Well, better late than never.” (Ghostbusters II, 1989)

16.) [Harry (Orlando Jones) has spotted alien creatures] Ira (David Duchovny): “Oh, cool. Great. Snag one!” Harry: “Snag one?” Ira: “Yeah. Snag one and put them in the bucket.” Harry: “I’ve seen this movie, the Black dude dies first. You snag it!” (Evolution, 2001)

15.) Rachel (Naomi Watts), to Richard (Brian Cox), about his unholy daughter: “I have to stop her. If I don’t, my son will die!” Richard: “Oh, yes. He will. She never sleeps.” (The Ring, 2002)

14.) James Earl Jones, introducing a segment: “Here the sensitive strings of Impressionistic music combine with the subtle artistry of the animators to finally answer the age-old question: What is man’s relationship to nature? [Animator hands him a sheet of paper] Oh, sorry. That age-old question: What would happen if you gave a yo-yo to a flock of flamingos? Who wrote this?” (Fantasia 2000, 1999)

13.) Spider-Man (Tobey Maguire), trying to activate his web powers: “Go web! Fly! Up, up, and away, web! Shazaam! Go! Go! Go web go! [Finally gets it to work] Tally ho.”(Spider-Man, 2002)

12.) Chucky (Brad Dourif), to Andy, who’s back for the sequel: “Snap out of it! You act like you’ve never seen a dead body before!” (Child’s Play 2, 1990)

11.) Ben (Nicolas Cage): “Do you know what the preservation room is for?” Riley (Justin Bartha): “Delicious jams and jellies?” (National Treasure, 2004) [It’s actually for cleaning and maintaining important historical documents, apparently]

There’s a real dearth of interesting stills from this movie

10.) Guy on TV (Johnny Depp): “This is your brain. [Cracks an egg into a frying pan] This is your brain on drugs. Questions?” Freddy Krueger (Robert Englund): [Smacks him with the pan] “Yeah! What are you on? Looks like a frying pan and some eggs to me!” (Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare, 1991) [This is a callback to PSAs from the 80s,in case you missed them]

9.) The Cheshire Cat (Sterling Holloway), literally standing on his head: “Can you stand on your head?” (Alice in Wonderland, 1951)

8.) Doc (Christopher Lloyd), reacting to Marty frequently calling situations “heavy”: “Why are things so heavy in the future, is there something wrong with the Earth’s gravitational pull?” (Back to the Future, 1985)

7.) Dr. Gonzo (Benicio Del Toro): “As your attorney I advise you to rent a very fast car with no top. And you’ll need the cocaine.” (Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, 1998)

6.) Mudwell (Bill Barretta): “Dead Tom’s dead. Long John shot him!” Walleyed Pike (Steve Whitmire): “But Dead Tom’s always been dead. That’s why he’s called Dead Tom.” (Muppet Treasure Island, 1996)

5.) Rizzo (Steve Whitmire), regarding ghosts: “Whoa, that’s scary stuff. Hey, should we be worried about the kids in the audience?” Gonzo (Dave Goelz): “That’s all right, this is culture.” (The Muppet Christmas Carol, 1992)

4.) [A family of bunnies is disguised as a giant bunny to scare a dog into giving them back their brother, whom he has kidnapped] Bean (Steve Whitmire): “I won’t hurt you, and do you know why?” Dog (Jim Henson): “No, why, Mr. Giant Bunny?” Bean: “Because those who hurt others hurt themselves.” Dog: “‘Those who hurt others hurt themselves.’ Oh, that’s profound.” (The Tale of the Bunny Picnic, 1986)

Forgive the poor quality, this thing’s kinda hard to find; I think my mom recorded it off HBO in the 80s when I saw it

3.) Seth (George Clooney), regarding his evening fighting vampires: “Psychos do not explode when sunlight hits them, I don’t give a fuck how crazy they are!” (From Dusk Till Dawn, 1996)

2.) [Private Joker (Matthew Modine) has found Private Gomer Pyle (Vincent D’Onofrio) out of their bunk after lights out] Joker: “Leonard, if Hartman comes in here and catches us, we’ll both be in a world of shit.” Pyle, who has been pushed to the breaking point: “I am in a world of shit.” (Full Metal Jacket, 1987)

1.) Smokey (Leonard Jackson): “White folks get stranger all the time.” (The Brother from Another Planet, 1984)

Author’s note: I have extensively relied on IMDb for help, both with dates and with some of the quotes.

Published by GhoulieJoe

I wuvs the horror movies and like to write snarky reviews about them. I also included some pretentious as hell microfiction (don't worry, it's at the bottom).

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