Top 25 Movie Quotes: Part IX

Ever seen the American Film Institute’s list of movie quotes? Let me sum up: of the hundred, about 25 are Casablanca and Gone with the Wind. Most of the rest are from the other golden oldies that are revered by the writers of film studies textbooks; they may be well-made, but they’re also very much a reminder of how discriminatory Hollywood was in terms of race, gender, and sexual orientation. Though I give big ups for including Jaws, Psycho, and The Sixth Sense, the AFI’s selections just don’t speak to me, and if you’re on this site, perhaps they don’t speak to you, either. Though many of the movies I quote from aren’t horror, they are all delightful (the quotes, not necessarily the movies). After trying and failing to narrow down my own list to a slim ten squared, here is part nine of several upcoming parts. In no particular order (except the chronological order in which I wrote about these films in my movie journal):

25.) Creedy “(Gerard Butler): “Only thing worse than a dragon…Americans.” (Reign of Fire, 2002)

24.) [Two members of a self-styled neighborhood watch are trying to intimidate a teen who egged them] Franklin (Jonah Hill): “Do you think it’s nice to throw eggs at people?” Evan (Ben Stiller): “Do you?” Franklin: “You gonna answer the question? It’s rude. It hurts peoples’ feelings and it hurts their faces.” Evan: “And now you deal with the consequences.” Franklin: “Homegirl’s trying to make an omelet.” Evan: “Yeah, look at me.” Franklin: “Look at his face.” Evan: “Look at my face.” Franklin: “Look at his face and listen to me.” Evan: “Look at him and listen to me.” Franklin: “Look at him and understand me. Look at both of us, but understand no one. Listen to my words and hear his face.” (The Watch, 2012)

23.) [Julia (Clare Higgins) tears out her former lover’s heart in a callback to the previous movie, in which he stabbed her and assured her it was nothing personal] “Nothing personal, babe.” (Hellbound: Hellraiser II, 1988)

22.) Marge (Ronee Blakley), after calmly explaining to her frightened daughter that Freddy Krueger can’t hurt her because she and a mob of other parents burned him alive: “He can’t get you. He’s dead, honey, because Mommy killed him.” (A Nightmare on Elm Street, 1984)

21.) Carol (Helen Hunt): “I don’t know if you’re being cute or crazy now.” Melvin (Jack Nicholson): “Cute.”  (As Good as It Gets, 1997)

20.) [A woman’s tongue has become sentient, murderous, and fertile, and it tries to convince her a baby would be a good idea]: “It could bring love, peace, and happiness into the world. Save the whales and the dolphins and the prawns and little things that crawl and go ‘lookie’ and all the rest of that shit.” (Killer Tongue AKA La Lengua Asesina, 1996)

19.) Tec (Damien Dante Wayans), after two cars drive into his house: “Don’t anybody know where the goddamn driveway is?” (Malibu’s Most Wanted, 2003)

18.) Sheila Broflovski (Mary Kay Bergman): “Remember what the MPAA says: horrific, deplorable violence is okay as long as people don’t say any naughty words.” (South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut, 1999)

17.) [Danny (Austin O’Brien) has been transported into the world of a series of action movies starring Jack (Arnold Schwarzenegger), and Jack has killed an intruder hiding in his closet] Danny: “Jeez, how’d you know there was a guy in there?” Jack: “There’s always a guy in there. It costs me a fortune in closet doors.” (Last Action Hero, 1993)

16.) [Mulan (Ming-Na Wen), who’s posing as a man to save her father from having to join the army, has been caught in a brawl by Shang (BD Wong)]: “You know how it is when you get those manly urges, you just gotta kill something…fix things…cook outdoors…” Shang: “What’s your name?” [Falters while trying to make something up] Chi Fu (James Hong): “Your commanding officer just asked you a question!” Mulan: “I’ve got a name…and it’s a boy’s name, too!” (Mulan, 1998)

15.) Governor Ratcliffe (David Ogden Stiers): “Wiggins, why do you think those insolent heathens attacked us?” Wiggins (also David Ogden Stiers): “Because we invaded their land and cut down their trees and dug up their earth?” (Pocahontas, 1995)

14.) Fozzie (Frank Oz): “A bear in his natural habitat: a Studebaker.” (The Muppet Movie, 1979)

13.) [In a hot air balloon] Fozzie (Frank Oz): “What if there’s a storm? Or we get struck by lightning?” Gonzo (Dave Goelz): “That’d be neat!” (The Great Muppet Caper, 1981)

12.) Kate (Christina Ricci), regarding feelings of love: “I know. There’s chemicals.” (Mermaids, 1990)

11.) [National treasure Pootie Tang has recorded a new single that’s completely silent, but people still love it. A young boy has cranked up the song on the radio, and his father storms in]: “Turn that noise down, dammit!” (Pootie Tang, 2001)

This quote is funnier if you watch the clip

10.) Mark (Jack Nicholson), upon finding out his wife is pregnant: “Let’s sing all the songs we know about babies.” (Heartburn, 1986)

9.) Charlie (Christopher Walken), a gangster who has been kidnapped and had his finger severed: “I’m bleeding to death. Humor me.” (Suicide Kings, 1997)

8.) [The Black Knight (John Cleese) won’t let King Arthur (Graham Chapman) pass]: “I move for no man.” Arthur: “So be it!” [Cuts off his arm] Now, stand aside, worthy adversary!” Knight: “Tis but a scratch!” Arthur: “A scratch? Your arm’s off!” Knight: “No it isn’t!” Arthur: “What’s that then?” Knight: “I’ve had worse.” (Monty Python and the Holy Grail, 1975)

7.) Robin Hood (Cary Elwes): “Watch my back.” Ahchoo (Dave Chappelle): “Your back just got punched twice.” (Robin Hood: Men in Tights, 1993)

6.) Thomas Builds-the-Fire (Evan Adams) “Sometimes it’s a good day to die, and sometimes it’s a good day to have breakfast.” (Smoke Signals, 1998)

5.) Brandon (John Dall): “What would you say to some champagne?” Janet (Joan Chandler): “Hello, champagne.” (Rope, 1948)

4.) [Lewis (Daniel Hansen) has been brought to the future by Wilbur, and a robot he invents when he’s older has recognized him and run away in terror] “Well, that was unexpected. [Wilbur jams a Carmen Miranda-style fruit hat on his head to cover his distinctive hair] …As was that.” (Meet the Robinsons, 2007)

3.) “Every ass has its price.” (Before Night Falls, 2000) [I cannot for the life of me remember who said this in the movie, and I can’t find anything when I google it. I’m pretty sure it was the main character, Reinaldo, or Bon Bon, pictured below.]

Johnny Depp looks amazing as a woman, even with the facial hair

2.) Thug: “I have a message for you from Vincent Ludwig! [Starts shooting at him] Take that, you lousy cop!” Drebin: (Leslie Nielsen): “I’m sorry, I can’t hear you! Don’t fire the gun while you’re talking!” (The Naked Gun: From the Files of Police Squad!, 1988)

1.) [Brenda (Regina Hall), holding Shaquille O’Neal’s femur–he appears in a Saw parody at the beginning]: “I don’t believe it! The aliens killed a dinosaur!” (Scary Movie 4, 2006)

Author’s note: I have extensively relied on IMDb for help, both with dates and with some of the quotes.

Published by GhoulieJoe

I wuvs the horror movies and like to write snarky reviews about them. I also included some pretentious as hell microfiction (don't worry, it's at the bottom).

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