Top 25 Movie Quotes: Part X

Ever seen the American Film Institute’s list of movie quotes? Let me sum up: of the hundred, about 25 are Casablanca and Gone with the Wind. Most of the rest are from the other golden oldies that are revered by the writers of film studies textbooks; they may be well-made, but they’re also very much a reminder of how discriminatory Hollywood was in terms of race, gender, and sexual orientation. Though I give big ups for including Jaws, Psycho, and The Sixth Sense, the AFI’s selections just don’t speak to me, and if you’re on this site, perhaps they don’t speak to you, either. Though many of the movies I quote from aren’t horror, they are all delightful (the quotes, not necessarily the movies). After trying and failing to narrow down my own list to a slim ten squared, here is part ten of several upcoming parts. In no particular order (except the chronological order in which I wrote about these films in my movie journal):

25.) The Coroner (John Carpenter): “Natural causes…natural causes…natural causes…I hate natural causes! Give me a big stab wound to poke at and then I’m happy.” (Body Bags, 1993)

WHY is this movie so hard to find?

24.) [After an extended parody of the opening scene in Scream, the killer jumps out of a cake that Screw (Aimee Graham) is frosting]: “Hey, you’re not Marilyn Melons.” (Shriek if You Know What I Did Last Friday the 13th, 2000)

Yes, her name is Screw, like Drew, get it? Ha. Ha. Ha. This movie has three funny moments total, and one of them has no words; it’s the only part that beats Scary Movie for Scream parodies–instead of a girl getting stuck in the garage door because she’s fat, here she’s stuck and the killer can’t find the button to close the garage door, instead ringing the doorbell and bringing down a disco ball. There’s a clip on YouTube, but I can’t share it, so do look it up.

23.) Jodi (Charlyne Yi), to her roommate’s pregnant date: “You must be angry at the baby whenever it steals your food, huh. Ohh, that’s mine, not yours. But, you know, because you’re family you gotta share.” (Knocked Up, 2007)

22.) Betty Lou (Penelope Ann Miller) explaining to her lawyer Ann (Alfre Woodard) why she confessed to a crime she didn’t commit: “All I said was ‘guilty’, and people finally looked at me like I existed.” Ann: “And I’m supposed to feel sorry for you? If you’re unhappy, drink!” (The Gun in Betty Lou’s Handbag, 1992)

Could not find any clips or even stills with Alfre Woodard from this movie, so here’s the trailer, where you can see her briefly. Still better than being in Annabelle, fuck that movie.

21.) [Jumping out of a plane] Rabinowitz (Ryan Stiles): “Geronimo!” Harbinger (Miguel Ferrer): “Geronimo!” Geronimo (Stuart Proud Eagle Grant): “Me!” (Hot Shots! Part Deux, 1993)

20.) Hogan (Clint Eastwood): “Here. [Hands his companion a dead rattlesnake] If we get split up, this is good eatin.” (Two Mules for Sister Sara, 1970)

19.) Nicholas (Simon Pegg), a cop interrogating teens in a bar: “When’s your birthday?” Underage Drinker #1 (Tom Strode Walton): “22nd of February.” Nicholas: “What year?” Underage Drinker #1: “Every year.” (Hot Fuzz, 2007)

18.) Sethe (Oprah Winfrey), referring to the daughter she lost: “Paul, she my best thing.” Paul D (Danny Glover): “You your own best thing, Sethe.” (Beloved, 1998)

Not a scene from the movie, obviously, but all the stills showing Winfrey and Glover smiling are too creepy. It’s not a happy movie. Plus Toni Morrison.

17.) [Homer and Bart need to get rid of an explosive threatening the town but instread are having an emotional reconciliation] Marge (Julie Kavner): “Somebody throw the goddamn bomb!” (The Simpsons Movie, 2007)

16.) Screw-on Head (Paul Giamatti): “All really intelligent people should be cremated for reasons of public safety.” (The Amazing Screw-on Head, 2006)

This one’s a little obscure, so here’s the trailer

15.) Annie (Juanita Moore), referring to the cruel world her Black daughter was born into: “How do you explain to your child she was born to be hurt?” (Imitation of Life, 1959)

14.) “All skeletons are against me, they always have been! Even when I was a child, I was hated by skeletons!” (The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra)

13.) [Talking about his dogs]: “I’m the only guy in Lee County who sleeps with five bitches every night.” (Small Town Gay Bar, 2006)

12.) [John has been beaten up by Mr. Woodcock (Billy Bob Thornton), who had supposedly taken him for a burglar, even after he identified himself] Woodcock: “John’s a very common name. There could be a burglar named John.” John (Seann William Scott): “What burglar shouts out his own name?” (Mr. Woodcock, 2007)

11.) [Brian (Graham Chapman) is thought to be a messiah, but he doesn’t want to be] “Fuck off!” Arthur (John Cleese): “How shall we fuck off, oh Lord?” (Monty Python’s Life of Brian, 1979

10.) Tess (Eileen Brennan): “Please excuse Sam, he was shot in the head last week.” (Murder by Death, 1976)

9.) Thug Boss (Kirk Douglas): “I’m going to have some sense beaten into you.” Rigby (Steve Martin): “What’s he paying you boys? I’ll double it and we’ll beat the shit out of him.” (Dead Men Don’t Wear Plaid, 1982)

8.) Gil (Steve Martin), to his daughter, who’s not feeling well: “You feel like you wanna throw up?” Taylor (Alisan Porter): “Okay.” [Vomits all over him] (Parenthood, 1989)

Well, no wonder she threw up

7.) Salazar (Nick Cannon), brandishing a machete: “By the power of Grayskull.” (Day of the Dead, 2008) [In case you weren’t there, that’s a reference to the 80s cartoon He-Man and the Masters of the Universe]

There are few images of him from this movie where he’s not standing two feet behind Mena Suvari

6.) [Talking to his father about losing his leg in the war] Willie (Frankie Muniz): “They gave you a medal for it, right?” Jack (Kevin Bacon): “I’d rather have a leg.” (My Dog Skip, 2000)

5.) Seth (Jonah Hill), trying to coerce an acquaintance to buy alcohol with a fake ID: “Then I’ll cut your dumb little fucking face off, throw it over mine, and get your ID and buy it my fucking self!” Fogell (Christopher Mintz-Plasse): “Oh really. You don’t have the technology or the steady hands to pull off a procedure like that, so ha! Peace.” (Superbad, 2007)

4.) [After shaking hands with Davy Jones] Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp): “I feel sullied and unusual.” (Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest, 2006)

3.) Babe (Winona Ryder), pretending to be in her childhood home: “This was my brother’s room. [Opens the door to a closet.] My parents hated my brother.” (Mr. Deeds, 2002)

2.) Ken (Brendan Gleeson): “You’re a cunt now, and you’ve always been a cunt. And the only thing that’s goint to change is that you’re going to be an even bigger cunt. Maybe have some more cunt kids.” Harry (Ralph Fiennes): “You fucking retract that bit about my cunt-fucking kids!” (In Bruges, 2008)

1.) Sita (Nandita Das), to her sister-in-law, whom she’s having an affair with: “You’ve been cooking all day. Let me massage you.” (Fire, 1996)

Author’s note: I have extensively relied on IMDb for help, both with dates and with some of the quotes.

Published by GhoulieJoe

I wuvs the horror movies and like to write snarky reviews about them. I also included some pretentious as hell microfiction (don't worry, it's at the bottom).

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