Ever seen the American Film Institute’s list of movie quotes? Let me sum up: of the hundred, about 25 are Casablanca and Gone with the Wind. Most of the rest are from the other golden oldies that are revered by the writers of film studies textbooks; they may be well-made, but they’re also very much a reminder of how discriminatory Hollywood was in terms of race, gender, and sexual orientation. Though I give big ups for including Jaws, Psycho, and The Sixth Sense, the AFI’s selections just don’t speak to me, and if you’re on this site, perhaps they don’t speak to you, either. Though many of the movies I quote from aren’t horror, they are all delightful (the quotes, not necessarily the movies). After trying and failing to narrow down my own list to a slim ten squared, here is part eleven of several upcoming parts. In no particular order (except the chronological order in which I wrote about these films in my movie journal):
25.) Leonidas (Sean Maguire): “Let us talk by the giant pit of death.” (Meet the Spartans, 2008)
24.) [Harold (Will Ferrell) and Professor Jules (Dustin Hoffman) are discussing what kind of fictional character Harold is] Jules: “Aren’t you relieved to know you’re not a Golem?” Harold: ‘Yes, I am relieved to know that I am not a Golem.” (Stranger Than Fiction, 2006)
23.) [Wiesler (Ulrich Mühe), an East German secret police officer, starts to interrogate a kid about his subversive father and changes his mind] “What is the name of your…” Junge mit Ball (Paul Maximilian Schüller): “My what?” Wiesler: “…ball?” (The Lives of Others, 2006)
22.) Shrek (Mike Myers) has absconded with his wife’s teenage cousin Artie (Justin Timberlake) and tries to convince him to take over as king by using outdated slang: “Listen, Artie. If you think this whole mad scene ain’t dope, I feel you, dude. I mean, I’m not trying to get up in your grill or raise your roof or whatever. What I am screaming is, yo, check out this kizz-ing thizz-ing ba-zaby. I mean if it doesn’t groove or what I’m saying ain’t straight trippin just say ‘Oh no you didn’t! You, you know, you’re getting on my last nerve.’ And then I’ll know it’s–then I’ll know it’s wack! [Runs into a tree branch] Ow!” Artie: “Somebody help! I’ve been kidnapped by a monster trying to relate to me!” (Shrek the Third, 2007)
21.) [Dewey (John C. Reilly) has incited a riot after crooning a pop song about holding hands] Preacher (Rance Howard): “You think we don’t know what you’re talking about when you say ‘take my hand’?” Dewey: “What do you mean? It’s about holding hands.” Dewey’s Pa (Raymond J. Barry): “You watch your mouth.” Preacher: “You know who’s got hands? The devil. And he uses them for holdin.” (Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story, 2007)
20.) Brennan (Will Ferrell): “Did we just become best friends?” Dale (John C. Reilly): “Yep!” (Step Brothers, 2008)
19.) Dana (Steve Coogan), roller skating: “Goddamn gravel, the bane of my existence!” (Hamlet 2, 2008)
18.) Shelley (Anna Faris), recreating the moment in The Seven Year Itch when Marilyn Monroe stands over a subway grate, but the steam is burning her: “That is fucking hot!” (The House Bunny, 2008)
17.) Reporter (Peter Bryant): “Reporting live for Black TV–white folks are dead, we’re gettin the fuck out of here!” (Scary Movie, 2000)
16.) Feng (Christopher Walken): “Kill them both. We’re missing Antiques Roadshow.” (Balls of Fury, 2007)
15.) Chuck the stoner surf instructor (Paul Rudd): “Let’s go surfing. Come on. Everybody’s learnin how. Come on. [To the tune of “Let it Snow”] The weather outside is…weather.” (Forgetting Sarah Marshall, 2008)
14.) Andrew (Michael Caine): “Love will kick you up the arse as soon as look at you.” (Sleuth, 2007)
13.) Nellie (Gaby Hoffmann) on the subject of abortion: “Goddamn it! You guys, we already live in a patriarchal society where a bunch of weird old white men in robes get to legislate our cunts.” (Obvious Child, 2014)
12.) Pilar (Eréndira Ibarra), looking at an ominous portrait of her friend’s aunt: “That’s the spirit who stole Christmas, man.” (Más Negro Que la Noche, 2014)
11.) Frank (Rainn Wilson), a self-styled superhero: “You don’t butt in line! You don’t sell drugs! You don’t molest little children! You don’t profit on the misery of others! The rules were set a long time ago! They don’t change!” (Super, 2010)
10.) Ben (Luke Evans), regarding a cruel prank he played as a teen: “I was just a kid.” Sue Ann (Octavia Spencer): “So was I, motherfucker!” (Ma, 2019)
9.) Ree (Jennifer Lawrence): “Never ask for what oughta be offered.” (Winter’s Bone, 2010)
8.) Peter (Adam Nathan), about being gay: “Your dick knows what it likes.” (Parting Glances, 1986)
7.) [Nick (Jason Bateman) is waiting in the car while his friends break into a dentist’s office to steal nitrous oxide, and they leave him with a Dora the Explorer walkie talkie]: “I call lookout, and I will let you know if I see Swiper.” (Horrible Bosses 2)
6.) [Danny is involving his assistant’s children in a plot to help him win a girlfriend, and he continuously prompts them to pretend to laugh] Michael (Griffin Gluck): “Why are we always laughing? Is there something wrong with us?” (Just Go with It)
5.) Possessed teenage girl (Phoenix Connolly): “I will rip your soul out, Daddy.” (Evil Dead, 2013)
4.) [A true crime writer looking to write another bestseller has moved his family into a cheap murder house, and his daughter has been corrupted by the demon behind the killings, which leads her to poison him–sorry for the labyrinthine exposition] Ashley (Clare Foley): “Don’t worry, Daddy. I’ll make you famous again.” (Sinister, 2012)
3.) Maddie (Kate Siegel) is trying to finish writing her book but is frustrated by writer’s block: [Types] “Ending stuff. THE END. Money now please.” (Hush, 2016)
2.) Zora (Shadi Wright Joseph), trying to convince her mother to let her drive the car while escaping murderous doppelgängers: “I have the highest kill count in the family!” (Us, 2019)
1.) Bryan, a lawyer (Michael B. Jordan), to a man on death row for murder: “Whatever you did, your life is still meaningful.” (Just Mercy, 2019)
Author’s note: I have extensively relied on IMDb for help, both with dates and with some of the quotes.
GhoulieJoe 