Top 25 Movie Quotes: Part XIII

Ever seen the American Film Institute’s list of movie quotes? Let me sum up: of the hundred, about 25 are Casablanca and Gone with the Wind. Most of the rest are from the other golden oldies that are revered by the writers of film studies textbooks; they may be well-made, but they’re also very much a reminder of how discriminatory Hollywood was in terms of race, gender, and sexual orientation. Though I give big ups for including Jaws, Psycho, and The Sixth Sense, the AFI’s selections just don’t speak to me, and if you’re on this site, perhaps they don’t speak to you, either. Though many of the movies I quote from aren’t horror, they are all delightful (the quotes, not necessarily the movies). After trying and failing to narrow down my own list to a slim ten squared, here is part thirteen of several upcoming parts. In no particular order (except the chronological order in which I wrote about these films in my movie journal):

25.) Vincent (Risteard Cooper), host of a show about paranormal activity: “Do you ever have nightmares after eating cheese? You might have eaten a ghost. Even the weakest ghosts can possess cheese quite easily due to the living bacteria in the cheese.” (Extra Ordinary, 2019)

If you haven’t seen this, it’s bloody hilarious. Here’s the trailer. You’re most welcome.

24.) Ruth (Melanie Lynskey), who’s disheartened when her house is broken into: “But everyone is an asshole.” Angie (Lee Eddy): “That’s not true.” Ruth: “Yes, and dildos.” Angie: “That’s not true.” Ruth: “Fuck-faces.” (I Don’t Feel at Home in This World Anymore., 2017)

If you haven’t seen this, it’s pretty great. And directed by Macon Blair.

23.) [A teenage girl has switched bodies with a serial killer, unbeknownst to her friends, who attack her] Millie/Blissfield Butcher (Vince Vaughn): “Everyone’s tired. We’ve done lots of hitting. It’s time to talk.”  (Freaky, 2020)

22.) Bill (Alex Winter): “Ted.” Ted (Keanu Reeves): “What?” Bill: “Don’t fear the reaper.” Grim Reaper (William Sadler): “I heard that!” (Bill & Ted’s Bogus Journey, 1991)

21.) Linda (Maya Rudolph), to robots who have endangered her children: “I am Linda Mitchell, mother of two. Look upon me in fear!” (The Mitchells vs the Machines, 2021)

20.) [Decorating for a wedding] Grandma Delores (Peggy Stewart): “Excuse me, sir, put some more girly shit up there.” (That’s My Boy, 2012)

19.) [Clarence is hallucinating that his cousin’s cat can talk in the voice of his namesake, Keanu Reeves, who plays himself] “Hello, Clarence. It’s me, Keanu. Meow.” (Keanu, 2016)

18.) [Vanellope (Sarah Silverman) has materialized in the Disney princesses’ private room, and they’re on the offensive] Pocahontas (Irene Bedard): “What kind of a princess are you?” Vanellope: “What kind?” Rapunzel (Mandy Moore): “Do you have magic hair? Vanellope: “No.” Elsa (Idina Menzel): “Magic hands?” Vanellope: “No.” Cinderella (Jennifer Hale): “Do animals talk to you?” Vanellope: “No.” Snow White (Pamela Ribon): “Were you poisoned?” Vanellope: “No!” Tiana (Anika Noni Rose)/Aurora (Kate Higgins): “Cursed?” Vanellope: “No!” Rapunzel/Belle (Paige O’Hara): “Kidnapped or enslaved?” Vanellope: “No! Are you guys okay? Should I call the police?” Ariel (Jodi Benson): “Then I have to assume you made a deal with an underwater sea witch, where she took your voice in exchange for a pair of human legs!” Vanellope: “No! Good Lord, who would do that?” Snow White: “Have you ever had true love’s kiss?” Vanellope: “Eww, barf!” Jasmine (Linda Larkin): “Do you have daddy issues?” Vanellope: “I don’t even have a mom.” Ariel/Snow White/Jasmine/Pocahontas/Elsa/Belle/Cinderella/Anna (Kristen Bell): “Neither do we!” Rapunzel: “And now for the million dollar question: Do people assume all your problems get solved because a big strong man showed up?” Vanellope: “Yes! What is up with that?” (Ralph Breaks the Internet, 2018)

17.) Vic (Reed Birney): “I’d call you a heel.” Renaldo (Bruce Campbell): “So I’m a heel. So what of it? Who are you?” Vic: “Maybe I’m just a guy who hates heels.” Renaldo: “Maybe I’m a heel who hates guys who hate heels.” Vic: “Oh yeah? Well, maybe I’m a guy who–“[Renaldo punches him] (Crimewave, 1985)

16.) Megan (Natasha Lyonne), doing a cheer for Graham (Clea DuVall), who loves her but fears reprisal from her parents: “1, 2, 3, 4, I won’t take no anymore. 5, 6, 7, 8, I want you to be my mate. 1, 2, 3, 4, you’re the one that I adore. 5, 6, 7, 8, don’t run from me cause this is fate. I love you.”

If you’ve never seen this, it’s about two girls who fall for each other at a gay conversion camp

15.) Christopher (Chris Sharp), to his cat, who’s on his chair: “Sir Lancelot, could you please get down? [Sir Lancelot stares back incredulously] Fine.” [Leaves, and ends up at the titular party where people are trying to kill him] (Murder Party, 2007)

His name is Sir Lancelot! Not just Lancelot, he’s a knight!

14.) [Candy (Meg Cionni), in the process of becoming a zombie, is visibly ill and has blood coming out of every orifice in her face] “It’s just the sniffles.” (Buck Wild, 2013) [Have to admit, this was a lot more amusing six years before Covid]

13.) Baymax (Scott Adsit), a robot petting a cat: “Hairy baby! Hairy baaaby.”

12.) Jamie (Jake Gyllenhaal), to his girlfriend, who has Parkinson’s disease and is upset at how much she will have to rely on him when she gets sicker: “Let’s just say in some alternate universe, there’s a couple just like us, okay? Only she’s healthy and he’s perfect. And their world is about how much they’re going to spend on vacation or who’s in a bad mood that day, or whether they feel guilty about having a cleaning lady. I don’t want to be those people. I want us. You. This.” (Love and Other Drugs, 2010)

Yeah, it’s majorly sappy. Come at me!

11.) [Noelle (Francesca Eastwood) has become a vigilante killer of rapists who got away with it after being attacked herself]: “Well, I didn’t know any of the victims personally, but from what I hear, they didn’t really sound like stand-up guys.” Detective Kennedy (Clifton Collins Jr.): “Good guys, bad guys, short, tall, you break the law, there’s going to be consequences.” Noelle: “I guess it depends on which law you break.” (M.F.A., 2017)

10.) Amos (Boris Karloff), thinking that every time his daughter speaks to him she wants him to pass the sugar (when usually she’s upset that her husband is trying to poison him): “You’re eatin much too much sugar. You know that, don’t you?” (The Comedy of Terrors, 1963)

9.) Thomas Wayne: (Linus Roache): “Why do we fall, Bruce? So we can learn to pick ourselves up.” (Batman Begins, 2005)

8.) Porter (Anton Yelchin), giving a speech: “Our parents, our teachers, our doctors, have lied to us. And it’s the exact same lie. The same six words: ‘Everything is going to be okay.’ ” (The Beaver, 2011)

Don’t know why it’s so difficult to find a clip or image from that scene. If you’ve never heard of it, Mel Gibson plays a dude who starts communicating through a beaver puppet; Yelchin plays his son

7.) [Mona (Katherine Heigl) has just dismembered somone her husband cheated on her with]: “You’re gonna need to pick up some more trash bags from Costco tomorrow–I’d write it down for you, but I’m just covered in that girl. Ugh. Just…distasteful.” (Home Sweet Hell, 2015)

6.) [Matt is hit with a flying dismembered foot and screams] Mitch (Dwayne Johnson): “That’s good luck, pick it up.” (Baywatch, 2017)

Ugh, this movie was a slog. But you gotta love Dwayne Johnson.

5.) [David (Vince Vaughn) chides Brett (Chris Pratt) for talking about abortion in front of his children] Brett: “My children know that they’re too old to be aborted.” (Delivery Man, 2013)

4.) Eloise (Loretta Devine), about her magical abilities: “I put you up. I put you down. I put you sideways and I spin you around.” (Spell, 2020)

3.) Abby (Sarah Paulson): “I got my eye on this redhead who owns a steakhouse outside of Paramus. I’m talking serious ‘Rita Hayworth’ redhead.” Carol (Cate Blanchett): “Really? You think you got what it takes to handle a redhead?” (Carol, 2015)

2.) Bullhorn (Byron Minns), who speaks most of his dialogue in rhyme, gets stuck: “Man! Them honkies gonna be runnin for cover, when us brothers get…get…get…Hmm.” (Black Dynamite, 2009)

My runner-up quote–Black Dynamite (Michael Jai White): “Who the hell is interrupting my kung fu?”

1.) [Sisu (Awkwafina) is mad that her gem is broken] Raya (Kelly Marie Tran): “But I still have a big chunk of it, though.” Sisu: “Is that supposed to make me feel better? If you lost a puppy, and I said, well, we still have a big chunk of it, would that make you feel better?” (Raya and the Last Dragon, 2021)

Author’s note: I have extensively relied on IMDb for help, both with dates and with some of the quotes.

Published by GhoulieJoe

I wuvs the horror movies and like to write snarky reviews about them. I also included some pretentious as hell microfiction (don't worry, it's at the bottom).

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