Top 25 Movie Quotes: Part XV

Ever seen the American Film Institute’s list of movie quotes? Let me sum up: of the hundred, about 25 are Casablanca and Gone with the Wind. Most of the rest are from the other golden oldies that are revered by the writers of film studies textbooks; they may be well-made, but they’re also very much a reminder of how discriminatory Hollywood was in terms of race, gender, and sexual orientation. Though I give big ups for including Jaws, Psycho, and The Sixth Sense, the AFI’s selections just don’t speak to me, and if you’re on this site, perhaps they don’t speak to you, either. Though many of the movies I quote from aren’t horror, they are all delightful (the quotes, not necessarily the movies). After trying and failing to narrow down my own list to a slim ten squared, here is part fifteen of several upcoming parts. In no particular order (except the chronological order in which I wrote about these films in my movie journal):

25.) Mike (Tim Robbins): “Worry is just a meditation on shit.” (Thanks for Sharing, 2012)

This movie would have been a lot more interesting if Mark Ruffalo had gotten with Tim Robbins instead of Gwyneth Paltrow. Look at that chemistry!

24.) [Llewyn has lost a couple’s cat and accidentally returned a similar-looking but wrong cat] Lillian (Robin Bartlett): “Where’s its scrotum?” (Inside Llewyn Davis, 2013)

23.) [Ron can’t get into either bathroom in the house, so he pees into a jug] Don (Richard Jenkins): “Your mother puts orange juice in that thing.” (The Hollars, 2016)

22.) Amy (Angela Bettis), an alien infiltrating an office building to let her superiors know when Earth is ready for destruction: “I hope you like exploding, because that’s what you’ve got to look forward to, buddy!” (Drones, 2010)

It’s a lot funnier than the trailer makes it look

21.) Simon (Alex Draper), explaining parenting to his son: “We tell you everything’s okay when it’s not okay. We tell you we’re strong when we’re not strong. We’ll tell you there’s no spinach in it when there’s spinach in it.” Finn (Charlie Tacker), to himself: “I knew it.” Simon: “Anything, so you don’t know.” Finn: “Don’t know what?” Simon: “That you aren’t safe. Not really.” (The Witch in the Window, 2018)

20.) Zelda (Tilda Swinton), a mortician completely unruffled by the return to life of her clients: “So, the dead just don’t wanna die today, is that it? [Beheads the two reanimated corpses] That’s a shame. I had them looking so bonny.” (The Dead Don’t Die, 2019)

19.) Sylvia (Amanda Seyfried): “Doesn’t that scare you? That you’ll never do anything foolish? Or courageous, or anything worth a damn?” (In Time, 2011)

18.) Kelly (Rose Byrne), engorged after not feeding her baby overnight: “I’m more milk than woman.” (Neighbors, 2014)

17.) [Teddy (Zac Efron) is learning how to make hard-boiled eggs] “Don’t put the eggs in there, it’s gonna melt em.” (Neighbors 2: Sorority Rising)

16.) Viago (Taika Waititi), to his vampire flatmate: “I was thinking maybe I should just bring a broom down here for you if you wanted to sweep up some of the skeletons.” (What We Do in the Shadows, 2014)

15.) John (Sarah Snook), to his lover Jane, who by a time traveling paradox, is also John (it’s a mindfuck of a movie, but good watching): “You’re beautiful. Someone should have told you that.” (Predestination, 2014)

14.) Raffi, the human representation of Time (Jacob Latimore): “You all like to bitch and complain. There isn’t enough time. Life is short. Oh, here, the gray hairs are coming in. You know, a day is long as hell. I’m abundant. I’m a gift. Even while you’re standing here talking shit, I’m gifting you, and you’re wasting it.” (Collateral Beauty, 2016)

13.) [Navin (Steve Martin), a white dude who’s not very bright, is upset and crying when his mother, who’s Black, tells him he’s adopted] “You mean I’m gonna stay this color?” [Cries harder] (The Jerk, 1979)

12.) Dr. Doofenshmirtz (Dan Povenmire): “Wow, if I had a nickel for every time I was doomed by a puppet, I’d have two nickels–which isn’t a lot, but it’s weird that it happened twice, right?” (Phineas and Ferb the Movie: Across the 2nd Dimension, 2011)

11.) Tom (Gabriel Byrne): “Intimidating helpless women is part of what I do.” Verna (Marcia Gay Harden): “Then find one and intimidate her.” (Miller’s Crossing, 1990)

10.) Roy Boy (Kevin J. O’Connor), to a Canadian police officer: “We got ways of making you pronounce the letter o.” (Canadian Bacon, 1995)

Steven Wright is priceless; one of my runner-up quotes, from a letter to a prisoner: “Thank you for sleeping so quietly. I love you even though you’re a criminal.”

9.) Holland (Ryan Gosling): “I’m done. Put a fork in me…Don’t really put a fork in me.” (The Nice Guys, 2016)

8.) [Watching a slasher movie] David (Alex Kogin): “Marty, you missed the boobs.” Marty (Gavin Brown): “Eh, they’ll be back.” (found., 2012)

7.) Elizabeth (Lily James): “It is a truth universally acknowledged that a zombie in possession of brains must be in want of more brains.” (Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, 2016)

6.) Norah (Kristen Stewart), to her colleague who wants to wander away by himself: “Dude, don’t check it out. Just come back.” (Underwater, 2020)

5.) Judy (Tracey Leigh): “What you’re asking my husband is completely insane.” Otis (Bill Moseley), cheerfully: “I’m completely insane!” (3 From Hell, 2019)

I have lots of problems with this movie, including most of the promotional artwork, so here’s a very abstract poster

4.) [Emily (Amy Schumer) is drunk, and her boob falls out of her dress] James (Tom Bateman): “Your tit’s out.” Emily [thinking he’s complimenting her]: “You’re tits out, too.” James: “No, your tit is actually emerged.” Emily: “I thought I felt a breeze.” (Snatched, 2017)

Not from that scene, obviously

3.) Wai-Tung (Winston Chao), coming out to his parents: “Nobody led me astray. I was born this way.” (The Wedding Banquet, 1993)

This was huge for the early ’90s

2.) [Sam (Fran Kranz) is on the phone with his friend Chuck (Alyson Hannigan) regarding a series of murders at his summer camp] Chuck: “You said this crazed killer is a guy, right? Okay, so maybe we should talk about the guys out there, you know? See if we can figure out who this asshole is.” Sam: “How does knowing who it is help me not die?” Chuck: “Well, I think figuring out what they want could help you not die.” Sam: “Smart.” Chuck: “Like, is it an old camper who got teased as a kid and is back for blood?” Sam: “No.” Chuck: “Or is it a parent who’s looking for revenge after a counselor let their kid drown?” Sam: “Jesus, I hope not, no.” Chuck: “Or does one of the counselors have a formerly conjoined twin?” Sam: “What movie is that from?” Chuck: “That could be a huge problem.” (You Might Be the Killer, 2018)

1.) Rod (Lil Rel Howery), rescuing his pal from murderous whities: “Consider this situation fuckin handled.” (Get Out, 2017)

My runner-up quote–Detective LaToya (Erika Alexander), laughing at Rod’s seemingly crazy story: “Oh, white girls. Oh they get you every time!”

Author’s note: I have extensively relied on IMDb for help, both with dates and with some of the quotes.

Published by GhoulieJoe

I wuvs the horror movies and like to write snarky reviews about them. I also included some pretentious as hell microfiction (don't worry, it's at the bottom).

2 thoughts on “Top 25 Movie Quotes: Part XV

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