1988’s ‘Death Spa’ is Objectively Terrible, But I Still Kinda Love It

The Starbody Health Spa: where athletic folks come to sweat, socialize…and die! A vengeful spirit is using the computerized gym equipment to murder patrons, and it’s up to owner Michael (William Bumiller) to stop it before all his members are killed, in increasingly gruesome ways. Oh, where to begin? I first became aware of thisContinue reading “1988’s ‘Death Spa’ is Objectively Terrible, But I Still Kinda Love It”

Bryan Bertino’s ‘The Dark and the Wicked’: A Little Conventional, but a Good Solid Watch

Louise (Marin Ireland) and Michael (Michael Abbott Jr.) are siblings returning to the family farm to deal with the impending death of their father David (Michael Zagst). Their mother Virginia (Julie Oliver-Touchstone) is angered to see them, and tries to tell them to leave. A fraught situation only escalates with the manifestation of a sinisterContinue reading “Bryan Bertino’s ‘The Dark and the Wicked’: A Little Conventional, but a Good Solid Watch”

Deon Taylor’s ‘Dead Tone’: I Have Multiple Complaints, But I Can’t Hate It

AKA 75, AKA 7eventy 5ive. Like Deon Taylor‘s horror anthology TV show Nite Tales, the movie features Flava Flav as MC, who appears to spout nonsense and disappear in a flash of subpar special effects. The action begins at a kids’ slumber party/house party for adults. After the children play the game 75, which involvesContinue reading “Deon Taylor’s ‘Dead Tone’: I Have Multiple Complaints, But I Can’t Hate It”

‘Death Bed: The Bed That Eats’ is as Bonkers as it Sounds

A demon-possessed sleeping receptacle nom-noms on people, apples, and chicken legs alike, while its companion, a haunted painting (Dave Marsh), watches and provides commentary and exposition. I first became aware of this movie after hearing comic Patton Oswalt describe it in a stand-up routine. My husband and I sought it out, and it was justContinue reading “‘Death Bed: The Bed That Eats’ is as Bonkers as it Sounds”

‘Dreamkatcher’: No Surprises Here

2020 movie, not to be confused with the 2003 Stephen King adaptation, which I have reviewed here. Also, dreamkatchers are not to be confused with dreamcatchers–here’s the difference, according to a title card: a dreamkatcher is “a misshapen wooden hoop asymmetrically looped with blackened string, decorated with feathers and beads, believed to hold evil. ItsContinue reading “‘Dreamkatcher’: No Surprises Here”

‘Daniel Isn’t Real’ is a Real Must-See

Luke (Griffin Robert Faulkner) is a young boy whose parents are in the midst of divorce, which is exacerbated by his mother Claire’s (Mary Stuart Masterson) mental illness. During a particularly vicious fight, he flees the house and comes across the corpse of an armed gunman who was shot down by the police. That momentContinue reading “‘Daniel Isn’t Real’ is a Real Must-See”

The Dead Don’t Die is Darn Delightful! (review)

A small town is forced to deal with a zombie apocalypse. We have the law: Chief Cliff (Bill Murray), Ronnie (Adam Driver), and Mindy (Chloe Sevigny). We have the store owners: hardware guy Hank (Danny Glover) and gas “and stuff” proprietor Bobby (Caleb Landry Jones, here not playing one of his racist-with-a-man-bun characters). We have aContinue reading “The Dead Don’t Die is Darn Delightful! (review)”

2009’s ‘Don’t Look Up’: A Classic Ghost Story in an Exotic Locale (review)

Marcus (Reshad Strik) is a director yearning for a chance to make a comeback in the film industry. He’s also prone to having visions of ghosts, which leads him to a haunted movie set in Romania. It seems that in the 1920s, a director (Eli Roth, really playing against type here) was trying to makeContinue reading “2009’s ‘Don’t Look Up’: A Classic Ghost Story in an Exotic Locale (review)”

‘Digging Up the Marrow’: Adam Green Delivers Again (review)

Real-life filmmaker Adam Green is, in the reality of the movie, making a documentary about monsters. He’s contacted by William Dekker (Ray Wise), who tells him that he’s found a nest of real monsters. Adam is intrigued and later obsessed with getting to the bottom of Dekker’s story. He and his cameraman Will (Will Barratt)Continue reading “‘Digging Up the Marrow’: Adam Green Delivers Again (review)”

Wes Craven’s ‘Deadly Friend’: It’s All Fun and Games Until Someone’s Cranium Explodes (review)

Paul (Matthew Labyorteaux) is a super-smart teenage boy whose best friend is a robot named BB (voiced by Charles Fleischer). Upon his move to a new town, he makes friends with his next-door neighbor, the comely Sam (Kristy Swanson). When Sam’s abusive father throws her down a flight of stairs she ends up on lifeContinue reading “Wes Craven’s ‘Deadly Friend’: It’s All Fun and Games Until Someone’s Cranium Explodes (review)”