‘Once Bitten’: Racist, Homophobic, AND Corny AF (review)

Mark (Jim Carrey) is a typical teenage boy who is currently dissatisfied by his long-time girlfriend Robin’s (Karen Kopin) refusal to have sex. While trolling for some strange with his buddies, he meets the mysterious Countess (Lauren Hutton). Unfortunately, Countess is a vampire who needs his virgin blood three times before Halloween or she losesContinue reading “‘Once Bitten’: Racist, Homophobic, AND Corny AF (review)”

‘Return to Oz’: Way Creepier than ‘The Wizard of Oz’ (review)

It’s six months after Dorothy (Fairuza Balk) returned from Oz (actually forty-six years in real time). Dorothy can’t shut up about her wonderful adventures in Oz, which earns her a trip to the local sanitarium for shock treatment. After escaping, Dorothy wakes up back in Oz, this time with her chicken Billina (voiced by DeniseContinue reading “‘Return to Oz’: Way Creepier than ‘The Wizard of Oz’ (review)”

‘Night Train to Terror’: Without Hyperbole, One of the Worst Movies I’ve Ever Seen (review)

God and Satan are on a train, debating over the souls of three people: Harry, who winds up in a mental hospital where the doctors use him in their plot to harvest and sell body parts; Gretta, a struggling musician who makes pornographic movies for Youngmeyer, who refuses to let her leave him for herContinue reading “‘Night Train to Terror’: Without Hyperbole, One of the Worst Movies I’ve Ever Seen (review)”

Ridley Scott’s ‘Legend’ is Dazzling and Gosh-Darn Unsettling (review)

In a fairy tale land of yore, the Lord of Darkness (Tim Curry) plans to rid the mortal world of light so he can rule. Standing in his way are the unicorns, whose purity can withstand his evil. He fetches himself a unicorn horn, thus bringing darkness and turning the mortal world to ice. HeContinue reading “Ridley Scott’s ‘Legend’ is Dazzling and Gosh-Darn Unsettling (review)”

1985’s ‘Fright Night’: Sassy, Fabulous Vampires (review)

Not to be confused with the 2011 remake. Charley (William Ragsdale) is a normal teenage boy who likes to do teenage boy stuff, like try to score with his girlfriend Amy (Amanda Bearse) while watching Fright Night, a TV show devoted to classic horror movies. His good times are disrupted by new neighbors Jerry (ChrisContinue reading “1985’s ‘Fright Night’: Sassy, Fabulous Vampires (review)”