‘Frailty’: I Sure Love This Movie! (review)

Fenton (Matthew McConaughey) is telling his life story to Agent Doyle (Powers Boothe) in order to convince him that he knows who a hunted serial killer—his brother Adam—is. Through flashbacks, Fenton reveals that when he and his brother were young children, their father (Bill Paxton, who also directed) began killing people, claiming that God showedContinue reading “‘Frailty’: I Sure Love This Movie! (review)”

‘Valentine’: Super Original! In That It Manages to Vilify Men and Women Equally and Simultaneously (review)

Due to an incident of snobbery in high school, five friends: Paige the sexy one (Denise Richards), Kate the popular one (Marley Shelton), Shelley the brainy one (Katherine Heigl), Lily the fun one (Jessica Cauffiel), and Dorothy the fat one (Jessica Capshaw) (Dorothy’s adjectives, not mine) are being stalked and killed by a psycho inContinue reading “‘Valentine’: Super Original! In That It Manages to Vilify Men and Women Equally and Simultaneously (review)”

‘St. John’s Wort’: It’s the Cure for What Ails You (review)

Japanese movie AKA Otogiriso. Nami (Megumi Okina), a video game designer, has just inherited a mansion from her late father, whom she never knew. Wanting to check out her new place (and get some game ideas), she and her ex-boyfriend/fellow designer Kohei (Yôichirô Saitô) head over there. What they don’t know is that the houseContinue reading “‘St. John’s Wort’: It’s the Cure for What Ails You (review)”

‘Soul Survivors’: Creepy, but Not in a Good Way (review)

Cassie (Melissa Sagemiller) is a college student plagued by the ghost of her dead boyfriend Sean (Casey Affleck), whom she accidentally killed in a car accident. She also continuously hallucinates two guys in masks who keep trying to kill her—and occasionally succeed. Her friends Matt (Wes Bentley) and Annie (Eliza Dushku) don’t believe her, butContinue reading “‘Soul Survivors’: Creepy, but Not in a Good Way (review)”

‘Jeepers Creepers’: Simultaneously Eerie and Ludicrous (review)

*Before I start, I feel I’d be remiss if I didn’t bring up writer/director Victor Salva’s past sexual misconduct conviction. I wrote this review originally in 2016 unaware, and between revising it in 2019 I became aware. * Darry (Justin Long) and his sister Trish (Gina Philips) are driving home from college when they’re menacedContinue reading “‘Jeepers Creepers’: Simultaneously Eerie and Ludicrous (review)”

‘Hannibal’: Anything’s Better Than the Book it’s Based On (review)

Hannibal picks up a few years after The Silence of the Lambs left off. Clarice Starling (Julianne Moore replaces Jodie Foster) is in trouble with the FBI over a drug bust gone wrong. Her career has basically been a disappointment, since she never managed to get ahead; she’s still being held back because she’s aContinue reading “‘Hannibal’: Anything’s Better Than the Book it’s Based On (review)”

‘Elvira’s Haunted Hills’: Elvira is Always Entertaining (review)

The continued adventures of Elvira, Mistress of the Night (Cassandra Peterson stars and co-wrote). Elvira and her friend Zou Zou are off to perform in a cabaret show in 1851 Paris when their carriage breaks down in Carpathia. They find shelter at the castle of Lord Hellsubus (Richard O’Brien). Between the castle’s wacky inhabitants likeContinue reading “‘Elvira’s Haunted Hills’: Elvira is Always Entertaining (review)”

‘Stitches’ (2001) is Low-Budget, Tacky Fun (review)

Not to be confused with the clown movie of the same name from 2012; this is a 2001 straight-to-video. It’s directed by Neil Marshall Stevens, better known as a writer–his credits include Thirteen Ghosts and Head of the Family. Mrs. Albright is a demon posing as an old woman whose bag is tricking people intoContinue reading “‘Stitches’ (2001) is Low-Budget, Tacky Fun (review)”

‘Bones’ is Haunting and Gritty (movie review)

Directed by Ernest Dickerson. Snoop Dogg is Jimmy Bones, who, back in the ‘70s, was his neighborhood godfather (or doggfather, as the case may be). He’s betrayed and killed in his home by his greedy business partner Jeremiah (Clifton Powell), drug dealer Eddie (Ricky Harris), and crooked cop Lupovich (Michael T. Weiss), while his girlfriendContinue reading “‘Bones’ is Haunting and Gritty (movie review)”

‘Blood Moon’ (AKA ‘Wolf Girl’) is Sad but Satisfying (review)

Tara (Victoria Sanchez, Pyewacket) is a teenager in a traveling carnival show; she’s the Wolf Girl, being as she was born hairy all over. She’s targeted by four mean kids, led by Krystal and Beau (Shawn Ashmore, The Following, Frozen), who torment her by throwing poop and darts at her. She meets Ryan, a boyContinue reading “‘Blood Moon’ (AKA ‘Wolf Girl’) is Sad but Satisfying (review)”