‘Night Train to Terror’: Without Hyperbole, One of the Worst Movies I’ve Ever Seen (review)

God and Satan are on a train, debating over the souls of three people: Harry, who winds up in a mental hospital where the doctors use him in their plot to harvest and sell body parts; Gretta, a struggling musician who makes pornographic movies for Youngmeyer, who refuses to let her leave him for herContinue reading “‘Night Train to Terror’: Without Hyperbole, One of the Worst Movies I’ve Ever Seen (review)”

Ridley Scott’s ‘Legend’ is Dazzling and Gosh-Darn Unsettling (review)

In a fairy tale land of yore, the Lord of Darkness (Tim Curry) plans to rid the mortal world of light so he can rule. Standing in his way are the unicorns, whose purity can withstand his evil. He fetches himself a unicorn horn, thus bringing darkness and turning the mortal world to ice. HeContinue reading “Ridley Scott’s ‘Legend’ is Dazzling and Gosh-Darn Unsettling (review)”

‘The Last Exorcism’: Great Performances and Some Creepy Stuff (review)

Shot found-footage style, and is presented as a documentary. Cotton (Patrick Fabian) is a faith healer who performs exorcisms. After realizing how exploitative exorcisms have become, he decides to film how he fakes exorcisms to discourage the performance of them. His faithful crew members Iris (Iris Bahr) and Daniel (Adam Grimes) accompany him to theContinue reading “‘The Last Exorcism’: Great Performances and Some Creepy Stuff (review)”

‘Jacob’s Ladder’: Rich in Biblical Goodness (and Creepy as F***) (review)

Jacob (Tim Robbins) is a friendly postal worker who is also a Vietnam veteran. His fairly comfortable life with his girlfriend Jezzie (the wonderful, late Elizabeth Peña) is disrupted by sudden hallucinations: he has Vietnam flashbacks and also horrible visions of monsters. One night he wakes up in bed with his ex-wife Sarah (Patricia Kalember),Continue reading “‘Jacob’s Ladder’: Rich in Biblical Goodness (and Creepy as F***) (review)”

James Wan’s ‘Insidious’: Effective Jump Scares and Eerie Sights (review)

Josh (Patrick Wilson) and Renai (Rose Byrne) are a loving couple with three kids who were clearly named by an Australian scriptwriter: baby Cali and older sons Dalton and Foster. Dalton suddenly goes into a coma-like state that doctors can’t explain. The person who can explain it is family friend Elise (Lin Shaye); she saysContinue reading “James Wan’s ‘Insidious’: Effective Jump Scares and Eerie Sights (review)”

‘The Exorcist III: Legion’–Not as Scary as ‘The Exorcist’ But Creepy, and At Least There’s No Pea Soup-Spewing (review)

Ignoring the second movie, The Exorcist III picks up roughly 15 years after the original left off, with Lieutenant Kinderman (George C. Scott) investigating a series of murders that appear to be the work of the Gemini Killer (Brad Dourif), who’s supposed to be dead. Meanwhile, Kinderman encounters Patient X (Jason Miller), a mental patientContinue reading “‘The Exorcist III: Legion’–Not as Scary as ‘The Exorcist’ But Creepy, and At Least There’s No Pea Soup-Spewing (review)”

‘Evilspeak’ is Big Time Dated, but Still Way Flash (review)

Private Coopersmith (Clint Howard) is a recently orphaned teenager in military school. His poor soccer skills and habit of crying frequently make him unpopular, and he’s often tortured by four really mean guys. On a cleaning detail in the school’s chapel cellar, he discovers a boatload of Satanist paraphernalia. With a combination of black magicContinue reading “‘Evilspeak’ is Big Time Dated, but Still Way Flash (review)”

‘Drag Me to Hell’ is Silly but Occasionally Eerie (review)

Christine (Alison Lohman) is a loan officer trying to move up in the world. She’s neck-and-neck for a promotion with her coworker Stu (Reggie Lee), who fights dirty. So when old Mrs. Ganush (Lorna Raver) comes asking for an extension on her house payment, Christine turns her away. Unfortunately, the woman places a Gypsy curseContinue reading “‘Drag Me to Hell’ is Silly but Occasionally Eerie (review)”

‘Stitches’ (2001) is Low-Budget, Tacky Fun (review)

Not to be confused with the clown movie of the same name from 2012; this is a 2001 straight-to-video. It’s directed by Neil Marshall Stevens, better known as a writer–his credits include Thirteen Ghosts and Head of the Family. Mrs. Albright is a demon posing as an old woman whose bag is tricking people intoContinue reading “‘Stitches’ (2001) is Low-Budget, Tacky Fun (review)”

1988’s ‘The Stay Awake’ is Entertaining and Somewhat Original (review)

The film opens with the death of Brown, murderer of eleven women, who vows revenge on his executioners. Cut to St. Mary’s School for Girls, where eight students and their den mother Miss Walton are raising money by staying awake at the school all night (hence the title). Brown decides to give them a visit,Continue reading “1988’s ‘The Stay Awake’ is Entertaining and Somewhat Original (review)”