‘Haunt’ (2019): Don’t Stick Your Arm in Mystery Holes!

Not to be confused with the 2014 film of the same name, which I already reviewed here. It’s Halloween, and our six main characters are looking for a haunted house. We have final girl Harper (Katie Stevens), her love interest Nathan (Will Brittain), her roommate Bailey (Lauren Alisa McClain), and her friends, token woman ofContinue reading “‘Haunt’ (2019): Don’t Stick Your Arm in Mystery Holes!”

‘Girl on the Third Floor’: The Dangers of Being Overly Cocky

Don (C.M. Punk AKA Phil Brooks) is a disgraced former lawyer who defrauded his clients. He attempts to appease his pregnant and long-suffering wife Liz (Trieste Kelly Dunn) by buying a cheap murder house, with plans to renovate it entirely by himself. While Sarah works from their current home, he stays in the new one.Continue reading “‘Girl on the Third Floor’: The Dangers of Being Overly Cocky”

‘Paranormal Activity’: Love it or Hate it, It’s a Seminal Film (review)

Katie (Katie Featherston) and her boyfriend Micah (Micah Sloat) are experiencing odd events in their home, like hearing footsteps and voices they can’t identify. Katie suspects that the demonic presence that’s been following her since she was eight has something to do with it. So she and Micah film themselves during the day and setContinue reading “‘Paranormal Activity’: Love it or Hate it, It’s a Seminal Film (review)”

‘The Messengers’: Meh (review)

American movie directed by the Pang brothers (The Eye, Bangkok Dangerous). Jess (Kristen Stewart) is a teenage girl getting a fresh start on a South Dakota farm with her family: little brother Ben (Evan and Theodore Turner), mother Denise (Penelope Ann Miller), and father Roy (Dylan McDermott). She’s at odds with her parents for anContinue reading “‘The Messengers’: Meh (review)”

‘House’ AKA ‘Hausu’ is Hilarious and Completely Unpredictable (review)

*Sniff* My very, very first movie review. Not to be confused with the 1986 American movie of the same name; this is a Japanese movie from 1977. It revolves around seven schoolgirls (who sometimes dress like Sailor Moon) off to spend their summer at a secluded house in the country. There’s Gorgeous (obsessed with herContinue reading “‘House’ AKA ‘Hausu’ is Hilarious and Completely Unpredictable (review)”

‘Ju On: The Grudge’–I Wuvs! (review)

Japanese movie, directed by Takashi Shimizu. This is the film the American remake (also directed by Shimizu) draws the most from–there are two, and I’m not counting the Japanese sequel. A woman named Kayako (Takako Fuji) and her son Toshio (Yuya Ozeki) are killed by her husband Takeo (Takashi Matsuyama), and their angry, cursed ghostsContinue reading “‘Ju On: The Grudge’–I Wuvs! (review)”

‘Stupid Teenagers Must Die!’: Unfunny “Spoofs” of Slasher Movies Must Die! (review)

It’s the 1980s, and a group of naughty teenagers are going to have a séance in ol’ Murder McGee’s house. There’s Final Girl Julie (Ashley Schneider), her boyfriend Kane the Token Black Guy (Jovan Meredith), gay couple Jamie (Christina DeRosa) and Sissy (Jamie Carson), Tough Guy Alfie (Devin Marble), Popular Girl Tiffany (Lindsay Gareth), NerdyContinue reading “‘Stupid Teenagers Must Die!’: Unfunny “Spoofs” of Slasher Movies Must Die! (review)”

‘St. John’s Wort’: It’s the Cure for What Ails You (review)

Japanese movie AKA Otogiriso. Nami (Megumi Okina), a video game designer, has just inherited a mansion from her late father, whom she never knew. Wanting to check out her new place (and get some game ideas), she and her ex-boyfriend/fellow designer Kohei (Yôichirô Saitô) head over there. What they don’t know is that the houseContinue reading “‘St. John’s Wort’: It’s the Cure for What Ails You (review)”