1988’s ‘Death Spa’ is Objectively Terrible, But I Still Kinda Love It

The Starbody Health Spa: where athletic folks come to sweat, socialize…and die! A vengeful spirit is using the computerized gym equipment to murder patrons, and it’s up to owner Michael (William Bumiller) to stop it before all his members are killed, in increasingly gruesome ways. Oh, where to begin? I first became aware of thisContinue reading “1988’s ‘Death Spa’ is Objectively Terrible, But I Still Kinda Love It”

‘The Wretched’ is Actually Mostly Pretty Un-Wretched

Ben (John-Paul Howard) is a teen delinquent hanging out with his dad Liam (Jamison Jones) while his parents decide whether they are divorcing. His boring summer working at the marina and being hassled by rich assholes is interrupted when his neighbor is possessed by an ancient witch who eats kids. The movie was written byContinue reading “‘The Wretched’ is Actually Mostly Pretty Un-Wretched”

Bryan Bertino’s ‘The Dark and the Wicked’: A Little Conventional, but a Good Solid Watch

Louise (Marin Ireland) and Michael (Michael Abbott Jr.) are siblings returning to the family farm to deal with the impending death of their father David (Michael Zagst). Their mother Virginia (Julie Oliver-Touchstone) is angered to see them, and tries to tell them to leave. A fraught situation only escalates with the manifestation of a sinisterContinue reading “Bryan Bertino’s ‘The Dark and the Wicked’: A Little Conventional, but a Good Solid Watch”

‘Spiral: From the Book of Saw’ is Sorely Disappointing

Zeke Banks (Chris Rock) is a detective who plays by his own rules, which often gets him in trouble, especially after he busts a colleague for shooting a witness. Suddenly a spate of brutal murders leads him to suspect that there’s a Jigsaw copycat out there–and the killer is targeting his fellow officers. I wasContinue reading “‘Spiral: From the Book of Saw’ is Sorely Disappointing”

‘The Call’ (2020): Make The Call to Watch it

Not to be confused with the Korean movie from 2020 that’s also titled The Call. It’s 1987, and awkward kid Chris (Chester Rushing) is adjusting to life in his new high school. He’s befriended by Tonya (Erin Sanders), Zack (Mike Manning), and Brett (Sloane Morgan Siegel), who have a grudge against Edith Cranston (Lin Shaye)Continue reading “‘The Call’ (2020): Make The Call to Watch it”

‘Visions’: Pretty to Look at, but Not Much Substance

Directed by Kevin Greutert, produced by Blumhouse. Evie (Isla Fisher) is a pregnant lady recovering from the trauma of inadvertently causing the death of an infant in a car crash the previous year. She and her husband David (Anson Mount) have just bought a sizable and lovely vineyard, but before they can begin to enjoyContinue reading “‘Visions’: Pretty to Look at, but Not Much Substance”

‘Seconds Apart’ is Worth Watching at Least Once (or Twice)

Twin brothers Jonah (Edmund Entin) and Seth (Gary Entin) are teenage psychopaths with telepathic powers and the ability to make folks hallucinate. As part of a mysterious project, they manipulate people into killing themselves. On their trail is the troubled but dedicated Detective Lampkin (Orlando Jones). About ten years ago, I asked my sister forContinue reading “‘Seconds Apart’ is Worth Watching at Least Once (or Twice)”

‘Death Bed: The Bed That Eats’ is as Bonkers as it Sounds

A demon-possessed sleeping receptacle nom-noms on people, apples, and chicken legs alike, while its companion, a haunted painting (Dave Marsh), watches and provides commentary and exposition. I first became aware of this movie after hearing comic Patton Oswalt describe it in a stand-up routine. My husband and I sought it out, and it was justContinue reading “‘Death Bed: The Bed That Eats’ is as Bonkers as it Sounds”

‘The Hunt’: It’s Not Strictly Horror, But Give it a Shot

Twelve individuals from across America are drugged, kidnapped, and dumped in the woods. Shortly after, although they’re provided with weapons, they find themselves being hunted for sport. These “deplorables” include Staten Island (Ike Barinholtz), Yoga Pants (Emma Roberts), Gary (Ethan Suplee), Vanilla Nice (Sturgill Simpson), and Crystal (Betty Gilpin), who lead the wealthy “elites” pursuingContinue reading “‘The Hunt’: It’s Not Strictly Horror, But Give it a Shot”

‘The Evil in Us’: Celebrate the Fourth of July with a Movie About Narcotic-Fueled Monsters!

Independence Day weekend! Time to get drunk, do some coke, and eat your friends! At least that’s what’s going on for our little group of six: leading man Steve (Danny Zaporozan), sassy best friend of color Bash (Behtash Fazlali), token Black guy Wheeler (Ian Collins), Steve’s girlfriend Brie (Debs Howard), Wheeler’s girlfriend Trish (Kylee Bush)Continue reading “‘The Evil in Us’: Celebrate the Fourth of July with a Movie About Narcotic-Fueled Monsters!”