Deon Taylor’s ‘Dead Tone’: I Have Multiple Complaints, But I Can’t Hate It

AKA 75, AKA 7eventy 5ive. Like Deon Taylor‘s horror anthology TV show Nite Tales, the movie features Flava Flav as MC, who appears to spout nonsense and disappear in a flash of subpar special effects. The action begins at a kids’ slumber party/house party for adults. After the children play the game 75, which involvesContinue reading “Deon Taylor’s ‘Dead Tone’: I Have Multiple Complaints, But I Can’t Hate It”

‘I See You’ is a Wild Ride

A small town in Ohio is rocked by the kidnapping of two young boys. On the case is Detective Spitsky (Gregory Alan Williams) and Detective Greg Harper (Jon Tenney). The main focus of the film is Greg, his wife Jackie (Helen Hunt), and their teenage son Connor (Judah Lewis). The house is filled with tensionContinue reading “‘I See You’ is a Wild Ride”

‘Pathology’: Restrained and Thought-Provoking, But the Characters Suck (review)

Ted (Milo Ventimiglia) is the newest pathology resident at the county morgue. His group of peers there are arrogant jerks, from leader Jake (Michael Weston), interchangeable white guy number 1 Griffin (Johnny Whitworth), interchangeable white guy number 2 Chip (Dan Callahan), unremarkable Catherine (Meiling Melançon, and sex kitten Juliette (Lauren Lee Smith), who’s sort ofContinue reading “‘Pathology’: Restrained and Thought-Provoking, But the Characters Suck (review)”

‘Misery’: Even with the Corny Sheriff, and the Hobbling Scene Already Spoiled for You, it’s Still Pretty Intense (review)

Paul (James Caan) is a writer famous for his romance novels about a woman named Misery. After finishing his new non-Misery novel (having killed her in his newest published book), he crashes his car during a blizzard. He’s rescued by Annie (Kathy Bates), a former nurse who treats his multiple injuries in her home, claimingContinue reading “‘Misery’: Even with the Corny Sheriff, and the Hobbling Scene Already Spoiled for You, it’s Still Pretty Intense (review)”

‘Wishcraft’: Pizzle, I Say, Pizzle! (review)

Brett (Michael Weston) is a nerdy high schooler with a crush on Sam (Alexandra Holden), a popular girl with a jock boyfriend. His life changes seemingly for the better when an unknown benefactor gives him a wishing totem (a “bull pizzle”). He wishes that Sam would be his girlfriend, which she does. But he wondersContinue reading “‘Wishcraft’: Pizzle, I Say, Pizzle! (review)”

‘When a Stranger Calls Back’: Classy Horror with Genuine Scares

As with When a Stranger Calls, this one concerns a babysitter (Jill Schoelen) menaced by a scary guy (only this one comes to the door, making a liar of the title) (Gene Lythgow) who won’t leave her alone, even returning five years later to hassle her in college. Julia is assisted by Jill (Carol Kane),Continue reading “‘When a Stranger Calls Back’: Classy Horror with Genuine Scares”

‘Valentine’: Super Original! In That It Manages to Vilify Men and Women Equally and Simultaneously (review)

Due to an incident of snobbery in high school, five friends: Paige the sexy one (Denise Richards), Kate the popular one (Marley Shelton), Shelley the brainy one (Katherine Heigl), Lily the fun one (Jessica Cauffiel), and Dorothy the fat one (Jessica Capshaw) (Dorothy’s adjectives, not mine) are being stalked and killed by a psycho inContinue reading “‘Valentine’: Super Original! In That It Manages to Vilify Men and Women Equally and Simultaneously (review)”

1987s’ ‘The Stepfather’: A Twisted Take on Suburbia and “Father Knows Best” (review)

Not to be confused with the remake—this is the 1987 original. Jerry (Terry O’Quinn) is a nice guy. He’s all about family values. He’s a genial real estate agent, a fun neighbor, and a loving husband and stepfather. He’s also a serial killer who likes to marry into families and murder all of the members.Continue reading “1987s’ ‘The Stepfather’: A Twisted Take on Suburbia and “Father Knows Best” (review)”

‘Psycho’ (1998): Don’t Waste Your Time (review)

Marion (Anne Heche) is longing to get married to her boyfriend Sam (Viggo Mortensen), but neither of them have the money. She sees her opportunity when her boss gives her a boatload of money to deposit in the bank, and instead she runs away with it. She winds up at the Bates motel, run byContinue reading “‘Psycho’ (1998): Don’t Waste Your Time (review)”

‘The Bat’: Dreamboat Vincent Price and Badass Women–Supermurgitroid! (movie review)

Cornelia (Agnes Moorehead) is a mystery writer living with her maid Lizzie (Lenita Lane). The two are menaced by what appears to be the killer known as The Bat. Unbeknownst to Cornelia there is a large sum of money hidden in her house, and the killer is now coming after it. Actual quote: Lizzie: HisContinue reading “‘The Bat’: Dreamboat Vincent Price and Badass Women–Supermurgitroid! (movie review)”