‘Gretel and Hansel’ is Creepy and Weird

In the style of the Grim fairy tale, the land of long ago is in serious famine. At the home of Gretel (Sophia Lillis), who for the sake of the movie is a teenager, and Hansel (Samuel Leakey), their mother (Fiona O’Shaughnessy) is losing her shit after the patriarch has gone on to his reward.Continue reading “‘Gretel and Hansel’ is Creepy and Weird”

2006’s ‘The Wicker Man’: A Towering Garbage Fire or Just the Remake We Needed? (review)

Police officer Edward (Nicolas Cage) has been contacted by his ex-girlfriend Willow (Kate Beahan), who tells him that (a) they have a daughter named Rowan and (b) she’s missing. He heads down to Summersisle, a small island in Puget Sound, to find her. He runs afoul of a strange matriarchy of wannabe pagans who areContinue reading “2006’s ‘The Wicker Man’: A Towering Garbage Fire or Just the Remake We Needed? (review)”

Dario Argento’s ‘Suspiria’: Still Scary After All These Years (movie review)

Directed and co-written by Dario Argento, the king of Italian horror. Suzy (Jessica Harper) is an American boarding at a German dance school. On her arrival there, she runs into Pat, a girl fleeing the building after being expelled; she disappears without even packing her things. After a series of crazy mishaps (like maggots rainingContinue reading “Dario Argento’s ‘Suspiria’: Still Scary After All These Years (movie review)”

William Friedkin’s ‘The Guardian’: It’s Worth at Least a Perfunc-tree Glance (review)

Camilla is the world’s best nanny. She’s sweet, knowledgeable, and works weekends. Too bad she’s also a Druid priestess (it’s quite the ma-tree-archy) who tends to sacrifice her young charges to a baby-eating tree. Up-and-coming couple Phil and Kate hire her, feeling blessed that all she asks in return for her hard work is TuesdayContinue reading “William Friedkin’s ‘The Guardian’: It’s Worth at Least a Perfunc-tree Glance (review)”

‘Stitches’ (2001) is Low-Budget, Tacky Fun (review)

Not to be confused with the clown movie of the same name from 2012; this is a 2001 straight-to-video. It’s directed by Neil Marshall Stevens, better known as a writer–his credits include Thirteen Ghosts and Head of the Family. Mrs. Albright is a demon posing as an old woman whose bag is tricking people intoContinue reading “‘Stitches’ (2001) is Low-Budget, Tacky Fun (review)”

‘The Conqueror Worm’ is About as Raunchy as You’d Expect, Given the Title, but Not Scary (review)

English movie by way of good ol’ American International Pictures. It’s also known as Witchfinder General, but that’s not nearly as entertaining to write about. Vincent Price is Matthew Hopkins, the town Witchfinder in 1645 England. Basically he’s in charge of accusing people of witchcraft and seeing them punished. Too bad he’s also corrupt, andContinue reading “‘The Conqueror Worm’ is About as Raunchy as You’d Expect, Given the Title, but Not Scary (review)”

‘Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2′ is a Pop Culture Bag o’ Fun (and Creepiness) (review)

The movie picks up a couple of months after the first film left off. Supposedly, its’ a “fictionalized re-enactment of events that occurred after the release of The Blair Witch Project.” (I don’t think anybody bought that this time around, despite the actors once again using their real first names.) The Blair Witch has becomeContinue reading “‘Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2′ is a Pop Culture Bag o’ Fun (and Creepiness) (review)”